Live In My Memory Chapter Eighteen
Waking hours later I frown when I find the bed empty of both of my brothers. Standing I dress quickly and fix my hair before leaving the room. Going down the hall I don't see anyone upstairs so I head downstairs where I hear people in the kitchen. Going that way I stop when I spot Zoe, Our parents and the kids all at the kitchen table eating. The only ones still missing are Zac and Taylor.
Zoe spots me first and she gives me a small smile, "Zac is outside on the porch," she tells me before looking away. I nod even though she can't see me and head for the front door. Opening it I step outside where I find Zac on the porch smoking what smells like a joint.
"When did you start smoking again?" I ask him as I sit down beside him. He just looks at me shrugging a smile on his face as he hands the joint to me. I take it from him and take a drag before handing it back. The last time I got high was with Carrick during our time in California. "Where did Taylor go?" I ask when I spot his car gone.
Zac sighs before taking another hit from his joint, "Natalie called him," he frowns which makes me frown. "S..she's in the hospital. Apparently she thinks she could be pregnant."
"But she hasn't been back long enough to get pregnant by Taylor," I mutter as I shake my head. If Natalie is pregnant then there is no way that baby is Taylor's. Taylor has to know that so why would he go running to her?
Zac nods handing me the joint again, "Taylor said as much himself," he sighs before frowning more. "But Taylor said Natalie is his wife and he has to stand by her. He wanted me to tell you that he is going to tell Natalie he is dropping the custody suit against you then he is going to talk Natalie into moving to Georgia so she isn't bothering you or me."
When I hear Zac's words I put the joint to my lips and take another drag before handing it over. The news of Taylor trying to talk Natalie into moving to Georgia makes me sad because I know deep down that means he will go with her. He is going to leave Zac and I behind to go have a life with Natalie.
"He's leaving us," I whisper as I feel a few tears go down my cheek. Tears I didn't even know wanted to come out.
Zac takes the joint from my hands, "Correction he is leaving you," he says so soft that I don't hear him.
Hearing him I look over at him confused as I remember the threesome. He seemed to love Taylor too especially towards the end and Taylor was into him. "But the threesome and I swear when you said I loved him too that was your weird way of telling Taylor you loved him."
"I do love Taylor but I'm not in love with him. Not like you are Avery," he states his voice coming out so sad. "You're in love with Taylor and I can see it. I don't want too but I can and it hurts," he whispers and it's then that I notice the tears on Zac's own face. "You don't look at me like that anymore not like you look at him. I just am trying to figure out when things changed. When you fell out of love with me and in love with him."
Going silent at his words I look away from Zac unable to answer him. I don't feel like I have fallen out of love with Zac so I don't know where he even has that idea but I am in love with Taylor. That part I can't deny. "I didn't fall out of love with you," I frown feeling more tears go down my cheek. "I still am in love with you."
Looking back at him I see him wiping his tears away as he finishes the joint. "I can see it Ave," he states as if that should be enough for him. "That light in your eyes when you look at him. The need and the want. It used to be reserved for me but now when you look at me it's not there. What's there is just a look of plain love one would have for a friend or close companion."
Shaking my head I refuse to believe Zac's words. I refuse to believe that I could possibly have fallen out of love with Zac. I think I would know if I had fallen out of love with him. I would know. Zac is just being crazy.
"I called Becky while you were asleep," Zac continues talking after my silence. "Shepherd and I are going to go to Georgia for a few weeks. Becky is having the funeral there anyway but we both think a few weeks around Kate's family may help him grieve too."
Hearing him I shaking my head again, "What about Junia and I?" I ask not liking the fact that he is going to leave us like that. Not when he just came back to us.
Zac looks down running a hand through his hair, "You guys will be fine," he says still looking down. "I'll call every night that I'm gone. Maybe my being gone will make you realize when you fell out of love with me," he whispers to me. I glare at him not understanding how he can still be saying I have fallen out of love with him. Screw how I was looking at Taylor. I know that I am in love with Zac too.
"You do that," I snap at him before standing from the porch and heading inside. Going to the guest bedroom I just lay down in the bed turning away from the wall. I stay there even when Zac comes back, his arm slipping around my waist as his lips kiss my neck softly.
Turning to face him nothing is spoken between us as I lean in to kiss him nor is anything spoken when we eventually make love to each other. It's just something that doesn't need words right now not after the words we had spoken on the porch. It's after we make love that I can I finally go to sleep curled up in his arms because I finally feel safe there again.
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Several weeks have passed though now since that night on the porch and our love making. Zac did leave for Georgia with Shepherd two days after that and he has kept good on calling every day to speak to Junia and I. Besides him leaving though Taylor also talked Natalie into leaving and they left just a day after Zac. She wasn't pregnant though the night he went to the hospital. She just had a bad case of food poisoning.
"Mommy?" Junia asks as she brings me out of my thoughts. "Can we go to Aunt Jessie's now?" she asks and I look her over seeing that she has gotten dressed for her play date with Hans. He may only be a year old but Junia loves to play with him. She loves to dress him up like a girl because she knows he won't protest like Shepherd would.
I smile nodding my head as I stand up from the table where I had just finished my breakfast several minutes prior. Taking my dish to the sink I wash it off before heading down the hall where I find Bree sitting up in her crib a smile on her face. Picking her up I turn to see Junia standing at my feet. "Can you go get her bottle out of the fridge?" I ask grinning when Junia leaves the room to do so. Sometimes I am glad I have her here to help me with Bree.
Taking Bree to the changing table I lay her down long enough to get an outfit out of her closet then I turn around to change her diaper and dress her. As I pick her up once she is dressed I hear Junia come back and I hold Bree firmly on my hip as I bend down taking the bottle from Junia. Handing the bottle to Bree I smile as she takes it and puts it to her mouth. She's eight months old and has already learned how to hold her own bottle. A skill she developed this week.
Going out of the room I head back down the hall only making two stops. One to grab another bottle out of the fridge and the other to grab my keys and Bree's diaper bag. After I have all those I make my way out of the apartment and head to my car. Luckily for me Junia takes it upon herself to get into her own booster seat so all I have to do is get Bree adjusted and we are set for the road to my sister's house.
When I finally make it to my sister's house I get Junia out first watching as she runs off to the porch most likely to knock on the door though I had warned her on the way here not to do that. Once I get Bree out I walk to the porch where my suspicions of Junia knocking are confirmed by my sister standing in an open doorway.
"Sorry for her knocking," I apologize as I walk inside the house. The moment I am inside my nostrils are assaulted by the smell of sausage and eggs cooking. A smell that literally turns my stomach so much that I gag right there on the spot. After I gag I turn to face Jessica not even giving her time to talk, all I do is hand the baby over before running to the bathroom where I shut the door. I make it to the toilet right as I gag again this time losing the breakfast I had ate at my house before leaving.
I stay by the toilet until I am sure I am done and once I think I am I flush the toilet and go to the sink where I turn the water on to wash my face. It's while I am washing my face that I hear the door open and close. Looking up and into the mirror I see that Jessica has joined me in the bathroom and so has the smell of her breakfast which has me running to the toilet again.
"I would ask if you are okay but clearly I see that you aren't," Jessica laughs after I hurl for the second time that day. "I mean clearly I can tell something has made you sick."
I roll my eyes but stand up after I flush the toilet again, "No shit sherlock," I mutter sarcastically as I wash my mouth off again. "It's the damn smell of your sausage and eggs that made me sick."
Jessica nods, "I figured as much," she smiles as she comes over and pats my shoulder. "I had a strong aversion to both when I was pregnant with Hans."
"But I'm not..." I start but stop myself before the words come out of my mouth. Before I can finish that sentence I have to calculate in my head when my last period was. My math leads me to December first which would have made my next period due on or around December twenty-ninth.
Feeling my body go numb I run a hand through my hair. December twenty-ninth was a month ago..well a month and two days now. I was late which meant I was pregnant. I was never late unless I was pregnant.
"I'm pregnant," I mutter as I look at Jessica. "I'm pregnant and Bree is only eight months old," I whisper before chewing on my lip. I can at least settle my mind at ease that this baby isn't Sam's. We weren't together sexually until two days after my period had been expected. I had only hooked up with Carrick though he had had a vasectomy, Taylor who had worn a pink condom and Zac...Zac who had blindfolded me but also used a condom.
Shaking my head I sit down on the toilet after pushing the lid down, "No," I whisper as I shake my head. "All the people I had sex with during my projected window can't be the father," I speak up thinking my thoughts out loud.
"All the people?" Jessica asks and I look up to see a look of confusion cross her face. "Just how many people do you have sex with in a week's time?"
I want to laugh at her question but I can't because I don't find it funny. "Three," I answer honestly feeling dirty right now. "Three people. Carrick but he had a vasectomy. Then Taylor," I admit finally revealing to someone else in the family that I was screwing Taylor, a fact that I had been able to keep secret even with him filling for custody. "Taylor used a condom but then so did Zac when he blindfolded me and had sex with me on Junia's birthday."
At my admissions now it's Jessica's turn to go quit for awhile her face showing many different emotions. "Well," she starts and I can tell she is trying to swallow everything I have said. "Condoms always break. You need to ask Zac or Taylor if the condom was broke when they took it off," she tells me offering me a half-smile. A half-smile that I can tell she is faking.
I return it with my own fake smile because I am not sure I can even ask them that. Hell maybe I'm not even pregnant maybe stress caused me to be late though I wasn't too stressed around the time my period was due. Yeah I had, had the stalker thing where Sam was sending notes but I wasn't as stressed as I was after the Sam thing.
"I..if you want to be sure you're pregnant I have a pregnancy test under the sink. I bought a lot when we were trying before Han's. Obviously I never used them all," Jessica smiles as she turns her back to me and leaves the bathroom.
After she leaves I move off the toilet seat, retrieving a pregnancy test box from under her sink. Opening it I read the instructions and soon do as they say. Once they have all been followed I lay the stick on the sink and wait. I almost feel as if I am waiting for a death sentence when it comes to finding out if the rabbit has died or not.
Standing once the wait time is up I make my way to where the stick is and pick it up my hands shaking as I do. Staring down at the results I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad about what the test says because looking back up at me from the stick is two pink lines.
Waking hours later I frown when I find the bed empty of both of my brothers. Standing I dress quickly and fix my hair before leaving the room. Going down the hall I don't see anyone upstairs so I head downstairs where I hear people in the kitchen. Going that way I stop when I spot Zoe, Our parents and the kids all at the kitchen table eating. The only ones still missing are Zac and Taylor.
Zoe spots me first and she gives me a small smile, "Zac is outside on the porch," she tells me before looking away. I nod even though she can't see me and head for the front door. Opening it I step outside where I find Zac on the porch smoking what smells like a joint.
"When did you start smoking again?" I ask him as I sit down beside him. He just looks at me shrugging a smile on his face as he hands the joint to me. I take it from him and take a drag before handing it back. The last time I got high was with Carrick during our time in California. "Where did Taylor go?" I ask when I spot his car gone.
Zac sighs before taking another hit from his joint, "Natalie called him," he frowns which makes me frown. "S..she's in the hospital. Apparently she thinks she could be pregnant."
"But she hasn't been back long enough to get pregnant by Taylor," I mutter as I shake my head. If Natalie is pregnant then there is no way that baby is Taylor's. Taylor has to know that so why would he go running to her?
Zac nods handing me the joint again, "Taylor said as much himself," he sighs before frowning more. "But Taylor said Natalie is his wife and he has to stand by her. He wanted me to tell you that he is going to tell Natalie he is dropping the custody suit against you then he is going to talk Natalie into moving to Georgia so she isn't bothering you or me."
When I hear Zac's words I put the joint to my lips and take another drag before handing it over. The news of Taylor trying to talk Natalie into moving to Georgia makes me sad because I know deep down that means he will go with her. He is going to leave Zac and I behind to go have a life with Natalie.
"He's leaving us," I whisper as I feel a few tears go down my cheek. Tears I didn't even know wanted to come out.
Zac takes the joint from my hands, "Correction he is leaving you," he says so soft that I don't hear him.
Hearing him I look over at him confused as I remember the threesome. He seemed to love Taylor too especially towards the end and Taylor was into him. "But the threesome and I swear when you said I loved him too that was your weird way of telling Taylor you loved him."
"I do love Taylor but I'm not in love with him. Not like you are Avery," he states his voice coming out so sad. "You're in love with Taylor and I can see it. I don't want too but I can and it hurts," he whispers and it's then that I notice the tears on Zac's own face. "You don't look at me like that anymore not like you look at him. I just am trying to figure out when things changed. When you fell out of love with me and in love with him."
Going silent at his words I look away from Zac unable to answer him. I don't feel like I have fallen out of love with Zac so I don't know where he even has that idea but I am in love with Taylor. That part I can't deny. "I didn't fall out of love with you," I frown feeling more tears go down my cheek. "I still am in love with you."
Looking back at him I see him wiping his tears away as he finishes the joint. "I can see it Ave," he states as if that should be enough for him. "That light in your eyes when you look at him. The need and the want. It used to be reserved for me but now when you look at me it's not there. What's there is just a look of plain love one would have for a friend or close companion."
Shaking my head I refuse to believe Zac's words. I refuse to believe that I could possibly have fallen out of love with Zac. I think I would know if I had fallen out of love with him. I would know. Zac is just being crazy.
"I called Becky while you were asleep," Zac continues talking after my silence. "Shepherd and I are going to go to Georgia for a few weeks. Becky is having the funeral there anyway but we both think a few weeks around Kate's family may help him grieve too."
Hearing him I shaking my head again, "What about Junia and I?" I ask not liking the fact that he is going to leave us like that. Not when he just came back to us.
Zac looks down running a hand through his hair, "You guys will be fine," he says still looking down. "I'll call every night that I'm gone. Maybe my being gone will make you realize when you fell out of love with me," he whispers to me. I glare at him not understanding how he can still be saying I have fallen out of love with him. Screw how I was looking at Taylor. I know that I am in love with Zac too.
"You do that," I snap at him before standing from the porch and heading inside. Going to the guest bedroom I just lay down in the bed turning away from the wall. I stay there even when Zac comes back, his arm slipping around my waist as his lips kiss my neck softly.
Turning to face him nothing is spoken between us as I lean in to kiss him nor is anything spoken when we eventually make love to each other. It's just something that doesn't need words right now not after the words we had spoken on the porch. It's after we make love that I can I finally go to sleep curled up in his arms because I finally feel safe there again.
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Several weeks have passed though now since that night on the porch and our love making. Zac did leave for Georgia with Shepherd two days after that and he has kept good on calling every day to speak to Junia and I. Besides him leaving though Taylor also talked Natalie into leaving and they left just a day after Zac. She wasn't pregnant though the night he went to the hospital. She just had a bad case of food poisoning.
"Mommy?" Junia asks as she brings me out of my thoughts. "Can we go to Aunt Jessie's now?" she asks and I look her over seeing that she has gotten dressed for her play date with Hans. He may only be a year old but Junia loves to play with him. She loves to dress him up like a girl because she knows he won't protest like Shepherd would.
I smile nodding my head as I stand up from the table where I had just finished my breakfast several minutes prior. Taking my dish to the sink I wash it off before heading down the hall where I find Bree sitting up in her crib a smile on her face. Picking her up I turn to see Junia standing at my feet. "Can you go get her bottle out of the fridge?" I ask grinning when Junia leaves the room to do so. Sometimes I am glad I have her here to help me with Bree.
Taking Bree to the changing table I lay her down long enough to get an outfit out of her closet then I turn around to change her diaper and dress her. As I pick her up once she is dressed I hear Junia come back and I hold Bree firmly on my hip as I bend down taking the bottle from Junia. Handing the bottle to Bree I smile as she takes it and puts it to her mouth. She's eight months old and has already learned how to hold her own bottle. A skill she developed this week.
Going out of the room I head back down the hall only making two stops. One to grab another bottle out of the fridge and the other to grab my keys and Bree's diaper bag. After I have all those I make my way out of the apartment and head to my car. Luckily for me Junia takes it upon herself to get into her own booster seat so all I have to do is get Bree adjusted and we are set for the road to my sister's house.
When I finally make it to my sister's house I get Junia out first watching as she runs off to the porch most likely to knock on the door though I had warned her on the way here not to do that. Once I get Bree out I walk to the porch where my suspicions of Junia knocking are confirmed by my sister standing in an open doorway.
"Sorry for her knocking," I apologize as I walk inside the house. The moment I am inside my nostrils are assaulted by the smell of sausage and eggs cooking. A smell that literally turns my stomach so much that I gag right there on the spot. After I gag I turn to face Jessica not even giving her time to talk, all I do is hand the baby over before running to the bathroom where I shut the door. I make it to the toilet right as I gag again this time losing the breakfast I had ate at my house before leaving.
I stay by the toilet until I am sure I am done and once I think I am I flush the toilet and go to the sink where I turn the water on to wash my face. It's while I am washing my face that I hear the door open and close. Looking up and into the mirror I see that Jessica has joined me in the bathroom and so has the smell of her breakfast which has me running to the toilet again.
"I would ask if you are okay but clearly I see that you aren't," Jessica laughs after I hurl for the second time that day. "I mean clearly I can tell something has made you sick."
I roll my eyes but stand up after I flush the toilet again, "No shit sherlock," I mutter sarcastically as I wash my mouth off again. "It's the damn smell of your sausage and eggs that made me sick."
Jessica nods, "I figured as much," she smiles as she comes over and pats my shoulder. "I had a strong aversion to both when I was pregnant with Hans."
"But I'm not..." I start but stop myself before the words come out of my mouth. Before I can finish that sentence I have to calculate in my head when my last period was. My math leads me to December first which would have made my next period due on or around December twenty-ninth.
Feeling my body go numb I run a hand through my hair. December twenty-ninth was a month ago..well a month and two days now. I was late which meant I was pregnant. I was never late unless I was pregnant.
"I'm pregnant," I mutter as I look at Jessica. "I'm pregnant and Bree is only eight months old," I whisper before chewing on my lip. I can at least settle my mind at ease that this baby isn't Sam's. We weren't together sexually until two days after my period had been expected. I had only hooked up with Carrick though he had had a vasectomy, Taylor who had worn a pink condom and Zac...Zac who had blindfolded me but also used a condom.
Shaking my head I sit down on the toilet after pushing the lid down, "No," I whisper as I shake my head. "All the people I had sex with during my projected window can't be the father," I speak up thinking my thoughts out loud.
"All the people?" Jessica asks and I look up to see a look of confusion cross her face. "Just how many people do you have sex with in a week's time?"
I want to laugh at her question but I can't because I don't find it funny. "Three," I answer honestly feeling dirty right now. "Three people. Carrick but he had a vasectomy. Then Taylor," I admit finally revealing to someone else in the family that I was screwing Taylor, a fact that I had been able to keep secret even with him filling for custody. "Taylor used a condom but then so did Zac when he blindfolded me and had sex with me on Junia's birthday."
At my admissions now it's Jessica's turn to go quit for awhile her face showing many different emotions. "Well," she starts and I can tell she is trying to swallow everything I have said. "Condoms always break. You need to ask Zac or Taylor if the condom was broke when they took it off," she tells me offering me a half-smile. A half-smile that I can tell she is faking.
I return it with my own fake smile because I am not sure I can even ask them that. Hell maybe I'm not even pregnant maybe stress caused me to be late though I wasn't too stressed around the time my period was due. Yeah I had, had the stalker thing where Sam was sending notes but I wasn't as stressed as I was after the Sam thing.
"I..if you want to be sure you're pregnant I have a pregnancy test under the sink. I bought a lot when we were trying before Han's. Obviously I never used them all," Jessica smiles as she turns her back to me and leaves the bathroom.
After she leaves I move off the toilet seat, retrieving a pregnancy test box from under her sink. Opening it I read the instructions and soon do as they say. Once they have all been followed I lay the stick on the sink and wait. I almost feel as if I am waiting for a death sentence when it comes to finding out if the rabbit has died or not.
Standing once the wait time is up I make my way to where the stick is and pick it up my hands shaking as I do. Staring down at the results I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad about what the test says because looking back up at me from the stick is two pink lines.