Live In My Memory Chapter Nineteen
I wait two days after taking the pregnancy test in Jessica's bathroom to even go out to Georgia to confront both of the guys on if the condom broke. One of the reason's for the wait is because I wanted to be sure I was pregnant which meant calling the doctor I had used for both Junia and Bree. Sure enough though their own test came back positive and they had set me up for an ultrasound for next week. The doctor knew again that this baby was high risk. I had told her as much when she gave me my results. She knew that I'd have to be monitored for problems. Problems was the one downside of having babies by my brother's.
Smiling as the cab drops me off at the house Taylor and Natalie have bought I pay the driver and get out. I have decided to confront Taylor first because I really don't want to tell Zac first and then have him turn out not to be the father. That would just make his whole me falling out of love with him thing worse.
Making it onto the porch I raise my hand and knock waiting for Taylor or Natalie to answer the door. When the door is opened I sigh in relief at the fact that it's Taylor I come face to face with and not Natalie.
"Avery?" Taylor asks as he looks at me confused like he didn't expect to see me out in Georgia. "What are you doing here? How did you find out where we lived now?"
"Mom told me," I confess before looking down. "Can I come in? I really need to talk to you about some things. Some very important things."
Taylor nods moving out of my way so I go inside not seeing or hearing anyone. "The kids gone?" I ask not giving Taylor time to talk if he was going to. I am just curious where his kids and Natalie are right now. I don't want to be in the middle of telling Taylor my news and having them come home.
"Natalie has them on some field trip," Taylor shrugs as he leads the way towards the living room. "You know how she is about history and making sure they learn about it," he laughs as he sits down on the couch. Sitting down beside him I nod my head because I do know how obsessed Natalie is with history and museums and taking the kids places.
"So, what did you need to talk to me about?" he asks interrupting my thoughts and making me blush. "I swear if you are here to rim me a new one for moving away I was hoping you'd understand. I left because I want you and Zac to be happy. I left because I know with me there you'll never love Zac fully and he deserves that. You deserve to give him everything he needs. You love him and he loves you and that's how it's supposed to be."
I sit back on the couch letting Taylor ramble. I figure it's best if I do that because if I don't he'll just get pissy with me. He has always hated when people interrupt him. When he finally finishes I shake my head. "So do you think like Zac...that I fell out of love with him?" I ask deciding not to bring up my pregnancy just yet, not until he answers this.
"We had a conversation about it after the threesome," he nods as he offers me a smile. "We both seemed to agree that you didn't look at him with the look of love you had for me. That you only looked at him like he was a friend or someone you cared really deeply for not someone who you were in love with. The spark was gone."
Letting Taylor speak again I swallow as I listen to him talk. Maybe he does have a point, maybe I don't love Zac anymore but after everything he put me through with grieving him who could blame me for not loving him? Who could blame me for falling out of love with him?
"Maybe you have a point," I mutter not liking the fact that I am admitting this out loud. "Maybe I don't love Zac anymore but that's not the reason why I came here. I came here because I need to know if our condom broke when we had sex the day you found out Bree was yours. We did it so rough that it could have broke."
After I tell Taylor that I watch as his face changes to confusion as he silently tries to figure out why I am saying these things. Why I would be mentioning something that happened two months ago almost. He just shakes his head no eventually. "N..no the condom didn't break," he finally speaks sounding sure of his answer. "Why are you even bringing this up for?"
I smile slightly feeling relieved that the baby is Zac's. "I'm pregnant again. Apparently I got pregnant around that time frame and well Carrick had a vasectomy and you and Zac used condoms when you guys had sex with me.," I reveal watching his face change again this one to more of an understanding one. "I guess I know who my baby's daddy is now," I smile more as I put my hand on my still flat stomach. I am carrying Zac's child again. Zac and I are having another baby.
"Did you and Zac ever talk about having anymore kids? I mean before Junia was born," Taylor questions which surprises me. I wasn't really expecting it.
I shake my head no a frown forming on my lips. "Sam and I did once. He tried to convince me to have his baby but I guess that would have been a let down because I was already pregnant," I smile feeling thankful for that and also my not giving in to what Sam had wanted even if I had thought he was Zac then. "Zac and I never really talked much about babies except for the one we were having. I guess back then I just figured we would talk about family planning after Junebug was here but then we didn't."
When I feel Taylor's hand rub my arm comforting me I smile more swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat. "You and Zac sure never seem to have fate on your side," he whispers and I look at him knowing what he means. First my leaving then Zac faking his death and now all this shit with Sam we have been through.
"Maybe we just aren't meant to be," I say before looking away from Taylor. I hate to admit that out loud but I have already admitted I don't love him. "If we were we would be. I wouldn't have fallen out of love with him and in love with you," I state feeling shitty with myself right now.
Taylor rubs my arm more and I close my eyes feeling tears sting my eyes. I'm not sure why I am so emotional lately now. If it's because of my pregnancy or all I have been through. "I don't love Zac anymore," I whisper before moving into Taylor and crying harder. Saying those words kill me but it's the truth. I don't love him yet I am having a second baby by him. "I never thought I'd fall out of love with him."
Feeling Taylor kiss my forehead I inhale his scent as he pulls me closer. He smells like chocolate and weed today. "It happens though," he tells me and I know he is right. People fall in and out of love all the time but I just thought that Zac and I had been an epic couple. That we would last forever but it doesn't seem like we are. "You need to tell him. I mean even if he already knows you need to confirm it for him."
I nod my head as I pull away from Taylor, "I'll tell him when I tell him about the baby," I smile sadly before wiping my eyes and standing from his couch. "Which I should call a cab and do that."
"You don't need to call a cab. I can take you to where he is staying," Taylor smiles as he too stands from the couch. I don't tell him no. Instead I follow him out of the living room, watching as he grabs his keys before we go outside to his car. Getting in once the doors are unlocked I buckle up.
Once we are on the road I watch as he takes roads that I know don't lead to Becky's house. Hell it may have been a few years since I'd been in Newnan but I was certain I knew where Becky lived and these roads weren't leading there. "This isn't the way to Kate's mom's," I speak up finally not sure I believe Taylor is truly taking me to Zac. I should have taken a cab.
Taylor shakes his head, "We aren't going to Becky's," he informs as he looks over making a face. "Zac bought a house last week. He told me about it when we met for lunch yesterday. He let me follow him home so I could know where it was in case there was an emergency."
Hearing him I feel shocked by his revelation of Zac buying a house here in Newnan. I had only thought this trip was temporary but now it seems Zac had other intentions he never planned on telling me or at least he wanted to put them off. "Was he going to tell me about this?" I ask Taylor hoping that he gives me the truth.
"He planned on telling you when he went back to Tulsa to get his stuff," Taylor answers my question as he pulls into a driveway of a house that I am guessing is Zac's. "I guess he's going to have to tell you sooner than that now"
I force a smile at that and open my door, getting out of Taylor's car. "I'll see you later," I nod knowing that I am going to have to see him again. We are going to have to come up with some kind of custody arrangement for Bree, that is if I can't convince him to leave Natalie and come back to Tulsa with me.
At my words Taylor just nods and I shut the door. I wait until he has left before I turn to go onto the porch. As soon as I get there I stop when I see Zac sitting on the porch swing already. "I heard Taylor pull up," he says as he nods and pats the spot beside him for me to sit down. "What are you doing here? I mean I guess Taylor told you this was my house that I bought but I never expected you to come here to Georgia. I just figured I'd tell you when I went to get my stuff next week and then whenever I wanted Junia I'd just drive to Oklahoma."
"I'm here because I needed answers from you and Taylor. I got my answer from Taylor and it wasn't the one I needed. Now I need yours," I shrug before looking at him. "And yeah Taylor did tell me about the house being yours. I guess it makes sense you moving out here because you think I don't love you anymore."
Zac looks away at my last statement, "I don't think Ave. I know it," he speaks so soft that I almost can't hear him. "Before you ask me whatever you need for answers I just want you to tell me you don't love me."
Closing my eyes I fight back tears that want to come out again. "I..I don't love you," I finally speak the words to him feeling like my world has just crashed. How can being honest be so painful. "I fell out of love with you while you were gone. I had to learn to mourn you and move on and I did. I moved on and fell out of love with you."
Opening my eyes I look at Zac to see him crying too. I guess even though he knew it, it still hurt to hear me actually say it to him. "Thanks," he finally speaks before wiping his tears away quickly. "N..now I know I can try to move on and you can too."
I nod at the words he speaks though I am not sure moving on is going to work out well for me. Not when soon I am going to have three children. "Moving on might be a little difficult soon," I shrug as I see confusion flash on Zac's face. "I came here because I need to know if the condom you used during our blind fold sex broke. I..I'm pregnant Zac."
Zac's face pales so much that I am afraid he is going to faint. So afraid he is going to faint and I am also sure that gives me my answer. "I...we...I didn't use a condom Avery," he informs me which shocks me because I could have sworn I felt one but maybe I was wrong. "I didn't use a condom."
When he repeats his words I smile some as I put a hand on my stomach. I am having another baby with Zac and even though I don't love him I think that thought makes me happy. "We're having a baby then," I say as I lock eyes with Zac. "We're having a baby Zac."
For the first time since I showed up here at his house I see Zac smile before pulling me into a hug which I hope means he is happy about this. "I love you," he whispers into my ear. His words make me frown because they sound much more sincere than any of mine will sound if I tell him I love him. Instead I just nod my head letting him know I understand.
I wait two days after taking the pregnancy test in Jessica's bathroom to even go out to Georgia to confront both of the guys on if the condom broke. One of the reason's for the wait is because I wanted to be sure I was pregnant which meant calling the doctor I had used for both Junia and Bree. Sure enough though their own test came back positive and they had set me up for an ultrasound for next week. The doctor knew again that this baby was high risk. I had told her as much when she gave me my results. She knew that I'd have to be monitored for problems. Problems was the one downside of having babies by my brother's.
Smiling as the cab drops me off at the house Taylor and Natalie have bought I pay the driver and get out. I have decided to confront Taylor first because I really don't want to tell Zac first and then have him turn out not to be the father. That would just make his whole me falling out of love with him thing worse.
Making it onto the porch I raise my hand and knock waiting for Taylor or Natalie to answer the door. When the door is opened I sigh in relief at the fact that it's Taylor I come face to face with and not Natalie.
"Avery?" Taylor asks as he looks at me confused like he didn't expect to see me out in Georgia. "What are you doing here? How did you find out where we lived now?"
"Mom told me," I confess before looking down. "Can I come in? I really need to talk to you about some things. Some very important things."
Taylor nods moving out of my way so I go inside not seeing or hearing anyone. "The kids gone?" I ask not giving Taylor time to talk if he was going to. I am just curious where his kids and Natalie are right now. I don't want to be in the middle of telling Taylor my news and having them come home.
"Natalie has them on some field trip," Taylor shrugs as he leads the way towards the living room. "You know how she is about history and making sure they learn about it," he laughs as he sits down on the couch. Sitting down beside him I nod my head because I do know how obsessed Natalie is with history and museums and taking the kids places.
"So, what did you need to talk to me about?" he asks interrupting my thoughts and making me blush. "I swear if you are here to rim me a new one for moving away I was hoping you'd understand. I left because I want you and Zac to be happy. I left because I know with me there you'll never love Zac fully and he deserves that. You deserve to give him everything he needs. You love him and he loves you and that's how it's supposed to be."
I sit back on the couch letting Taylor ramble. I figure it's best if I do that because if I don't he'll just get pissy with me. He has always hated when people interrupt him. When he finally finishes I shake my head. "So do you think like Zac...that I fell out of love with him?" I ask deciding not to bring up my pregnancy just yet, not until he answers this.
"We had a conversation about it after the threesome," he nods as he offers me a smile. "We both seemed to agree that you didn't look at him with the look of love you had for me. That you only looked at him like he was a friend or someone you cared really deeply for not someone who you were in love with. The spark was gone."
Letting Taylor speak again I swallow as I listen to him talk. Maybe he does have a point, maybe I don't love Zac anymore but after everything he put me through with grieving him who could blame me for not loving him? Who could blame me for falling out of love with him?
"Maybe you have a point," I mutter not liking the fact that I am admitting this out loud. "Maybe I don't love Zac anymore but that's not the reason why I came here. I came here because I need to know if our condom broke when we had sex the day you found out Bree was yours. We did it so rough that it could have broke."
After I tell Taylor that I watch as his face changes to confusion as he silently tries to figure out why I am saying these things. Why I would be mentioning something that happened two months ago almost. He just shakes his head no eventually. "N..no the condom didn't break," he finally speaks sounding sure of his answer. "Why are you even bringing this up for?"
I smile slightly feeling relieved that the baby is Zac's. "I'm pregnant again. Apparently I got pregnant around that time frame and well Carrick had a vasectomy and you and Zac used condoms when you guys had sex with me.," I reveal watching his face change again this one to more of an understanding one. "I guess I know who my baby's daddy is now," I smile more as I put my hand on my still flat stomach. I am carrying Zac's child again. Zac and I are having another baby.
"Did you and Zac ever talk about having anymore kids? I mean before Junia was born," Taylor questions which surprises me. I wasn't really expecting it.
I shake my head no a frown forming on my lips. "Sam and I did once. He tried to convince me to have his baby but I guess that would have been a let down because I was already pregnant," I smile feeling thankful for that and also my not giving in to what Sam had wanted even if I had thought he was Zac then. "Zac and I never really talked much about babies except for the one we were having. I guess back then I just figured we would talk about family planning after Junebug was here but then we didn't."
When I feel Taylor's hand rub my arm comforting me I smile more swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat. "You and Zac sure never seem to have fate on your side," he whispers and I look at him knowing what he means. First my leaving then Zac faking his death and now all this shit with Sam we have been through.
"Maybe we just aren't meant to be," I say before looking away from Taylor. I hate to admit that out loud but I have already admitted I don't love him. "If we were we would be. I wouldn't have fallen out of love with him and in love with you," I state feeling shitty with myself right now.
Taylor rubs my arm more and I close my eyes feeling tears sting my eyes. I'm not sure why I am so emotional lately now. If it's because of my pregnancy or all I have been through. "I don't love Zac anymore," I whisper before moving into Taylor and crying harder. Saying those words kill me but it's the truth. I don't love him yet I am having a second baby by him. "I never thought I'd fall out of love with him."
Feeling Taylor kiss my forehead I inhale his scent as he pulls me closer. He smells like chocolate and weed today. "It happens though," he tells me and I know he is right. People fall in and out of love all the time but I just thought that Zac and I had been an epic couple. That we would last forever but it doesn't seem like we are. "You need to tell him. I mean even if he already knows you need to confirm it for him."
I nod my head as I pull away from Taylor, "I'll tell him when I tell him about the baby," I smile sadly before wiping my eyes and standing from his couch. "Which I should call a cab and do that."
"You don't need to call a cab. I can take you to where he is staying," Taylor smiles as he too stands from the couch. I don't tell him no. Instead I follow him out of the living room, watching as he grabs his keys before we go outside to his car. Getting in once the doors are unlocked I buckle up.
Once we are on the road I watch as he takes roads that I know don't lead to Becky's house. Hell it may have been a few years since I'd been in Newnan but I was certain I knew where Becky lived and these roads weren't leading there. "This isn't the way to Kate's mom's," I speak up finally not sure I believe Taylor is truly taking me to Zac. I should have taken a cab.
Taylor shakes his head, "We aren't going to Becky's," he informs as he looks over making a face. "Zac bought a house last week. He told me about it when we met for lunch yesterday. He let me follow him home so I could know where it was in case there was an emergency."
Hearing him I feel shocked by his revelation of Zac buying a house here in Newnan. I had only thought this trip was temporary but now it seems Zac had other intentions he never planned on telling me or at least he wanted to put them off. "Was he going to tell me about this?" I ask Taylor hoping that he gives me the truth.
"He planned on telling you when he went back to Tulsa to get his stuff," Taylor answers my question as he pulls into a driveway of a house that I am guessing is Zac's. "I guess he's going to have to tell you sooner than that now"
I force a smile at that and open my door, getting out of Taylor's car. "I'll see you later," I nod knowing that I am going to have to see him again. We are going to have to come up with some kind of custody arrangement for Bree, that is if I can't convince him to leave Natalie and come back to Tulsa with me.
At my words Taylor just nods and I shut the door. I wait until he has left before I turn to go onto the porch. As soon as I get there I stop when I see Zac sitting on the porch swing already. "I heard Taylor pull up," he says as he nods and pats the spot beside him for me to sit down. "What are you doing here? I mean I guess Taylor told you this was my house that I bought but I never expected you to come here to Georgia. I just figured I'd tell you when I went to get my stuff next week and then whenever I wanted Junia I'd just drive to Oklahoma."
"I'm here because I needed answers from you and Taylor. I got my answer from Taylor and it wasn't the one I needed. Now I need yours," I shrug before looking at him. "And yeah Taylor did tell me about the house being yours. I guess it makes sense you moving out here because you think I don't love you anymore."
Zac looks away at my last statement, "I don't think Ave. I know it," he speaks so soft that I almost can't hear him. "Before you ask me whatever you need for answers I just want you to tell me you don't love me."
Closing my eyes I fight back tears that want to come out again. "I..I don't love you," I finally speak the words to him feeling like my world has just crashed. How can being honest be so painful. "I fell out of love with you while you were gone. I had to learn to mourn you and move on and I did. I moved on and fell out of love with you."
Opening my eyes I look at Zac to see him crying too. I guess even though he knew it, it still hurt to hear me actually say it to him. "Thanks," he finally speaks before wiping his tears away quickly. "N..now I know I can try to move on and you can too."
I nod at the words he speaks though I am not sure moving on is going to work out well for me. Not when soon I am going to have three children. "Moving on might be a little difficult soon," I shrug as I see confusion flash on Zac's face. "I came here because I need to know if the condom you used during our blind fold sex broke. I..I'm pregnant Zac."
Zac's face pales so much that I am afraid he is going to faint. So afraid he is going to faint and I am also sure that gives me my answer. "I...we...I didn't use a condom Avery," he informs me which shocks me because I could have sworn I felt one but maybe I was wrong. "I didn't use a condom."
When he repeats his words I smile some as I put a hand on my stomach. I am having another baby with Zac and even though I don't love him I think that thought makes me happy. "We're having a baby then," I say as I lock eyes with Zac. "We're having a baby Zac."
For the first time since I showed up here at his house I see Zac smile before pulling me into a hug which I hope means he is happy about this. "I love you," he whispers into my ear. His words make me frown because they sound much more sincere than any of mine will sound if I tell him I love him. Instead I just nod my head letting him know I understand.