Live In My Memory Chapter Seventeen
I knew I couldn't ignore things forever nor could I stay with Taylor forever, no matter how appealing that sounded to me. So after three days of being at his house I agree when he asks if I want to go to our parents. I know from his late night phone calls when he thinks I am asleep that Zac is staying there with the kids. His kids and also Bree. Zac is good man for all that he must be going through right now and still watching the kids..one of whom he has never even met.
When we arrive at my parents house I can't help but feel nervous. I am almost afraid that Zac will know just from looking at me that I have been having sex with Taylor every day I have been with him. I am scared he will know and hate me. I don't want Zac to hate me. He can't hate me.
"You okay Ave?" Taylor asks and I turn my head to look at him. That question sure is a loaded one.
Shrugging I chew my lip, "What if he knows?" I ask before looking away from Taylor, my cheeks getting hot. "What if he takes one look at me and knows I have been having sex with you?" I ask laughing some trying to ease the tension I feel.
Taylor laughs at that too but his laugh seems more genuine then mine. Almost like he knows Zac won't be mad at me. Like he knows something I don't know. "I am sure he won't notice just from looking at you Ave," he tells me before he gets out of the car. "Now come on beautiful. We have kids to see and parents to drive use crazy with questions about Sam."
At his mention of our parents asking us questions I take a deep breath and get out of the car following Taylor onto the porch. He doesn't even have to knock. The moment he gets his hand raised to do so our mom is throwing the door open, ushering us both inside before shutting the door behind us once we are in the house.
"Avery," mom speaks as she looks at me. "Zac is upstairs and you are free to join him. Right now I need to scold your brother for helping Zac fake his death," she speaks as she crosses her arms which makes me giggle softly but I nod, quickly leaving the room to head upstairs to find Zac.
Getting upstairs I hear talking coming from the playroom so I head there, smiling when I see Zac playing with Shepherd and Junia. Bree is in the playpen in the corner and it looks like she is sleeping peacefully. I really swear that kid could sleep through anything which has to be something she gets from Taylor. Not from me because I wake at the drop of a dime.
Junia looks up from playing with Zac a smile crossing her face when she notices me. "Mommy," she yells excitedly as she runs over to me and I bend down to pick her up, kissing her cheek softly. "Daddy was teaching Shepherd and I how to build castles with Lego's," she grins as she points to where Zac and Shepherd are still building away. "They wouldn't let me put my barbie in the castle so she could be queen," she whispers so only I can hear.
"That's not nice of them," I tell her as I walk over to where Zac and Shepherd are. Bending down I put Junia back on the ground and smile at Zac when he turns to look at me. "I should ground you for not letting your daughter put her barbie in the castle so her barbie could be queen."
Zac just laughs at me shaking his head, "It was Shepherd's idea not to let her."
"Oh yes, just blame the kid," I reply sarcastically before sticking my tongue out at him. "You are so cruel to blame things on him like that."
Shepherd looks up at me shrugging, "Not the first time," he smiles and I wonder if he knows just how much he looks like Zac when he does that. "Mommy used to get onto him all the time for that," he frowns when he mentions Kate which breaks my heart.
Looking at Zac I see him frowning too so I reach out and put my hand on his cheek giving him a smile. I want him to know things will be okay. They have to be now. Kate may be dead but he is here and Shepherd has him. Shepherd has me and he also has Taylor. Maybe we can all three be there for him.
"Can we talk?" I ask Zac as I move my hand off his cheek. "Alone," I imply as I stand up. When Zac stands up too I exit the playroom, going down to the guest room that I had slept in when I first came here in December. A room that from the looks of it Zac has been occupying for the last three days.
Once we make it to the room I shut the door behind us, "H..how is Shep taking Kate's death?" I ask feeling horrible that he has to even go through losing another parent though this time for real.
Zac shrugs, "As good as can be expected. He misses her god does he miss her but he's adjusting. It's Kate's mom I am worried about," he sighs as he sits down on the bed. "She got into town last night. She is already talking about taking Shepherd back to Georgia with her."
"Can she do that?" I ask him before sitting down beside him. "Just take him back to Georgia with her?"
"No," Zac states as he shakes his head. "I'm alive still and my rights are still in place. She could take me to court but unlike Kate she would never do it."
Nodding I reach over and take his hand having to remind myself that he isn't Sam. That he isn't going to hurt me. "I'm sorry for what he did to Kate and to you..I mean him raping you," I frown before squeezing his hand softly. In the past three days Taylor has confessed everything he knew about the first time Sam raped Zac and how Zac turned to him. How Zac needed him too like I need him now.
Zac smiles some before lifting my hand and kissing it softly, "I am trying to get over it," he tells me and I believe him because he sounds sincere. "I am trying to stop dreaming about the torture he inflicted upon me when he had me tied up. Forget the images of him killing Kate and Carrick both in front of me."
At the mention of Sam killing Carrick in front of him I feel a lump form in my throat, "D..did he go easy?" I ask wanting to know he didn't suffer. I feel so responsible for his death. If I had kept my mouth shut on him trying to get custody of Bree he could still be alive.
Zac shakes his head no and I decide not to press for more details. I can tell from the pain in his eyes that I probably don't want to know. I just want to remember Carrick in the happier times I shared with him. I want to remember happy Carrick the Carrick I fell in love with.
"I am sorry," I say again before leaning in to kiss Zac on the lips softly. I am sorry for all he has been through because as much as Sam has hurt me he hurt Zac a lot more. He hurt Zac way more than he did me. I can not even comprehend how Zac is still sane right now. How he doesn't need Taylor again.
Zac kisses me back, dropping my hand as he lets both of his hands go to my cheeks as he deepens the kiss. It's when he deepens the kiss that I moan out into his mouth. I just kissed him a few days ago but I have missed the feel of his lips on mine, so different then Taylor's. Rougher and more chapped.
When we both away to breath I blush as I look into his eyes. All I see looking back at me is a man in need. A man who needs me. "I...we..." I start but am interrupted by the door opening. Turning my head I freeze like a deer in headlights when I see Taylor standing in the door way looking at us as if he has just walked in on something he shouldn't have. I try to ignore the look of hurt apparent in his eyes.
"Get in the damn room," Zac speaks breaking the silence that had enveloped the room. "Get in the damn room and shut the door," he mutters at Taylor who nods and obeys Zac's words.
After the door is shut Zac pulls me closer to him, "I want to watch as you fuck her," he whispers before kissing my neck softly which makes me shiver. "I need to watch you fuck her Taylor."
I swallow hard feeling as if Zac has lost his mind. Wanting to watch me fuck someone else, no correction, needing to watch me fuck someone else. How can he need this? How will this make things better for him. Before I can protest though Taylor is sitting on my other side and I know I can't run. I want to run but I can't. I am trapped here on this bed between both of the men I love.
Closing my eyes when Taylor's lips kiss the other side of my neck I shiver again when I feel Zac's lips again on my neck. They are both kissing my neck. I swear they are trying to kill me. I swear they are.
Moaning I close my eyes tighter when I feel Zac's hand slide beneath the waistband of the pants I have on. His hand slowly rubs me through the cotton material of my panties which only gets me wetter than what I was before.
"She's wet for you," Zac mutters on my skin as he rubs me harder. "She is wet for you Taylor," he repeats before moving his hand out of my pants and I feel him move from the bed. Now would be the good time to run but I am too turned on to do it. I am too turned on there for I will give Zac what he wants. The chance to see Taylor fuck me.
Opening my eyes when Taylor moves his mouth away from my neck I turn my head and let my lips go to his own, kissing him as if my life depended on it. Kissing him as if this is what I need and maybe I do need to be fucked by Taylor just like Zac needs to watch me fuck him.
Feeling Taylor lay back on the bed I lay over him, kissing him harder as my hands travel up his shirt. I pull away long enough to remove it and my own shirt but then I kiss him again. It's during this kiss that I feel him reach his hands behind me to undo my bra which quickly falls off effortlessly and I reach between us, tossing it to the floor with our shirts.
I swear as we continue to kiss and I reach down undoing Taylor's jeans that I also hear Zac undoing his own jeans. Is he actually going to get off to me fucking Taylor? I mean I know if I admit it those pictures of him and Taylor did get me hot but they shouldn't have..I shouldn't be turned on at the thought of the...though then again I also shouldn't even be fucking either of them but I am and I have.
Sliding Taylor's jeans off I bit down on his lip as he quickly sheds me of my own remaining clothing. Straddling him I pull away from the kiss and smirk, "Tell me how you want it," I say as I turn my head from him briefly looking over to see Zac standing in a corner of the room jerking off at the scene in front of him.
Smirking more I look back at Taylor who responds that he wants it hard and fast. Leaning down to kiss him again I slide down on his cock a moan coming out as I do so. I only stay still on him for a few minutes but then I start to move, riding him as if he is the best damn cock I have had.
He isn't though, the guy in the corner jerking off is but Taylor never has to know that he is second best to Zac. Hell I am sure I'm not the best Taylor has had either so it really shouldn't matter.
Closing my eyes as I ride Taylor faster I become faintly aware of Zac's foot steps getting closer to us and when I feel his body on top of me I close my eyes tighter, letting my hands rest on Taylor's chest as Zac slides inside of me a little to harsh for the entrance he is using.
"Fuck," I grunt out breaking away from the kiss. "Fuck this feels good," I speak as Zac starts to move on me. The movement from him is making me move on Taylor as well and I smirk liking the feeling of having two dicks inside of me even if one is in the entrance that I really don't like to be used.
Before I can speak again I feel Zac turn my head and he kisses my lips which makes me smile. It's during the kiss that I let myself zone out and enjoy the rest of this experience. I let myself be fucked by both Taylor and Zac who both seem to cum inside of me at the same time. I reach my peak only after Zac sneaks his hand around and plays with my clit while Taylor keeps moving inside of me.
Collapsing on Taylor's chest after I turn my head watching as Zac lays beside Taylor and I after he moves out of me. Zac just smiles before moving closer to Taylor. "She loves you," he tells him which shocks me that he is able to tell that already. "She loves you too," he whispers before kissing Taylor on the lips and shocking me again.
I have to admit what shocks me the most by his too is that I am not sure if he means I love Taylor as well as him or if he was telling Taylor in his own way that he also loves him. When they separate from the kiss I look at the both of them before biting my lip. I know it's impossible but I almost wish we could just all be together. That I didn't have to chose one over the other.
"I love her too," Taylor speaks finally which makes me blush and look at Zac. He doesn't say anything except nod his head but I can tell from the look on his face that he is contemplating something though he never says what. Instead he just pulls me away from Taylor and over towards him.
Closing my eyes I yawn before falling asleep next to Zac with Taylor on the other side of me. Again as I drift off I wish that we could all just be together.
I knew I couldn't ignore things forever nor could I stay with Taylor forever, no matter how appealing that sounded to me. So after three days of being at his house I agree when he asks if I want to go to our parents. I know from his late night phone calls when he thinks I am asleep that Zac is staying there with the kids. His kids and also Bree. Zac is good man for all that he must be going through right now and still watching the kids..one of whom he has never even met.
When we arrive at my parents house I can't help but feel nervous. I am almost afraid that Zac will know just from looking at me that I have been having sex with Taylor every day I have been with him. I am scared he will know and hate me. I don't want Zac to hate me. He can't hate me.
"You okay Ave?" Taylor asks and I turn my head to look at him. That question sure is a loaded one.
Shrugging I chew my lip, "What if he knows?" I ask before looking away from Taylor, my cheeks getting hot. "What if he takes one look at me and knows I have been having sex with you?" I ask laughing some trying to ease the tension I feel.
Taylor laughs at that too but his laugh seems more genuine then mine. Almost like he knows Zac won't be mad at me. Like he knows something I don't know. "I am sure he won't notice just from looking at you Ave," he tells me before he gets out of the car. "Now come on beautiful. We have kids to see and parents to drive use crazy with questions about Sam."
At his mention of our parents asking us questions I take a deep breath and get out of the car following Taylor onto the porch. He doesn't even have to knock. The moment he gets his hand raised to do so our mom is throwing the door open, ushering us both inside before shutting the door behind us once we are in the house.
"Avery," mom speaks as she looks at me. "Zac is upstairs and you are free to join him. Right now I need to scold your brother for helping Zac fake his death," she speaks as she crosses her arms which makes me giggle softly but I nod, quickly leaving the room to head upstairs to find Zac.
Getting upstairs I hear talking coming from the playroom so I head there, smiling when I see Zac playing with Shepherd and Junia. Bree is in the playpen in the corner and it looks like she is sleeping peacefully. I really swear that kid could sleep through anything which has to be something she gets from Taylor. Not from me because I wake at the drop of a dime.
Junia looks up from playing with Zac a smile crossing her face when she notices me. "Mommy," she yells excitedly as she runs over to me and I bend down to pick her up, kissing her cheek softly. "Daddy was teaching Shepherd and I how to build castles with Lego's," she grins as she points to where Zac and Shepherd are still building away. "They wouldn't let me put my barbie in the castle so she could be queen," she whispers so only I can hear.
"That's not nice of them," I tell her as I walk over to where Zac and Shepherd are. Bending down I put Junia back on the ground and smile at Zac when he turns to look at me. "I should ground you for not letting your daughter put her barbie in the castle so her barbie could be queen."
Zac just laughs at me shaking his head, "It was Shepherd's idea not to let her."
"Oh yes, just blame the kid," I reply sarcastically before sticking my tongue out at him. "You are so cruel to blame things on him like that."
Shepherd looks up at me shrugging, "Not the first time," he smiles and I wonder if he knows just how much he looks like Zac when he does that. "Mommy used to get onto him all the time for that," he frowns when he mentions Kate which breaks my heart.
Looking at Zac I see him frowning too so I reach out and put my hand on his cheek giving him a smile. I want him to know things will be okay. They have to be now. Kate may be dead but he is here and Shepherd has him. Shepherd has me and he also has Taylor. Maybe we can all three be there for him.
"Can we talk?" I ask Zac as I move my hand off his cheek. "Alone," I imply as I stand up. When Zac stands up too I exit the playroom, going down to the guest room that I had slept in when I first came here in December. A room that from the looks of it Zac has been occupying for the last three days.
Once we make it to the room I shut the door behind us, "H..how is Shep taking Kate's death?" I ask feeling horrible that he has to even go through losing another parent though this time for real.
Zac shrugs, "As good as can be expected. He misses her god does he miss her but he's adjusting. It's Kate's mom I am worried about," he sighs as he sits down on the bed. "She got into town last night. She is already talking about taking Shepherd back to Georgia with her."
"Can she do that?" I ask him before sitting down beside him. "Just take him back to Georgia with her?"
"No," Zac states as he shakes his head. "I'm alive still and my rights are still in place. She could take me to court but unlike Kate she would never do it."
Nodding I reach over and take his hand having to remind myself that he isn't Sam. That he isn't going to hurt me. "I'm sorry for what he did to Kate and to you..I mean him raping you," I frown before squeezing his hand softly. In the past three days Taylor has confessed everything he knew about the first time Sam raped Zac and how Zac turned to him. How Zac needed him too like I need him now.
Zac smiles some before lifting my hand and kissing it softly, "I am trying to get over it," he tells me and I believe him because he sounds sincere. "I am trying to stop dreaming about the torture he inflicted upon me when he had me tied up. Forget the images of him killing Kate and Carrick both in front of me."
At the mention of Sam killing Carrick in front of him I feel a lump form in my throat, "D..did he go easy?" I ask wanting to know he didn't suffer. I feel so responsible for his death. If I had kept my mouth shut on him trying to get custody of Bree he could still be alive.
Zac shakes his head no and I decide not to press for more details. I can tell from the pain in his eyes that I probably don't want to know. I just want to remember Carrick in the happier times I shared with him. I want to remember happy Carrick the Carrick I fell in love with.
"I am sorry," I say again before leaning in to kiss Zac on the lips softly. I am sorry for all he has been through because as much as Sam has hurt me he hurt Zac a lot more. He hurt Zac way more than he did me. I can not even comprehend how Zac is still sane right now. How he doesn't need Taylor again.
Zac kisses me back, dropping my hand as he lets both of his hands go to my cheeks as he deepens the kiss. It's when he deepens the kiss that I moan out into his mouth. I just kissed him a few days ago but I have missed the feel of his lips on mine, so different then Taylor's. Rougher and more chapped.
When we both away to breath I blush as I look into his eyes. All I see looking back at me is a man in need. A man who needs me. "I...we..." I start but am interrupted by the door opening. Turning my head I freeze like a deer in headlights when I see Taylor standing in the door way looking at us as if he has just walked in on something he shouldn't have. I try to ignore the look of hurt apparent in his eyes.
"Get in the damn room," Zac speaks breaking the silence that had enveloped the room. "Get in the damn room and shut the door," he mutters at Taylor who nods and obeys Zac's words.
After the door is shut Zac pulls me closer to him, "I want to watch as you fuck her," he whispers before kissing my neck softly which makes me shiver. "I need to watch you fuck her Taylor."
I swallow hard feeling as if Zac has lost his mind. Wanting to watch me fuck someone else, no correction, needing to watch me fuck someone else. How can he need this? How will this make things better for him. Before I can protest though Taylor is sitting on my other side and I know I can't run. I want to run but I can't. I am trapped here on this bed between both of the men I love.
Closing my eyes when Taylor's lips kiss the other side of my neck I shiver again when I feel Zac's lips again on my neck. They are both kissing my neck. I swear they are trying to kill me. I swear they are.
Moaning I close my eyes tighter when I feel Zac's hand slide beneath the waistband of the pants I have on. His hand slowly rubs me through the cotton material of my panties which only gets me wetter than what I was before.
"She's wet for you," Zac mutters on my skin as he rubs me harder. "She is wet for you Taylor," he repeats before moving his hand out of my pants and I feel him move from the bed. Now would be the good time to run but I am too turned on to do it. I am too turned on there for I will give Zac what he wants. The chance to see Taylor fuck me.
Opening my eyes when Taylor moves his mouth away from my neck I turn my head and let my lips go to his own, kissing him as if my life depended on it. Kissing him as if this is what I need and maybe I do need to be fucked by Taylor just like Zac needs to watch me fuck him.
Feeling Taylor lay back on the bed I lay over him, kissing him harder as my hands travel up his shirt. I pull away long enough to remove it and my own shirt but then I kiss him again. It's during this kiss that I feel him reach his hands behind me to undo my bra which quickly falls off effortlessly and I reach between us, tossing it to the floor with our shirts.
I swear as we continue to kiss and I reach down undoing Taylor's jeans that I also hear Zac undoing his own jeans. Is he actually going to get off to me fucking Taylor? I mean I know if I admit it those pictures of him and Taylor did get me hot but they shouldn't have..I shouldn't be turned on at the thought of the...though then again I also shouldn't even be fucking either of them but I am and I have.
Sliding Taylor's jeans off I bit down on his lip as he quickly sheds me of my own remaining clothing. Straddling him I pull away from the kiss and smirk, "Tell me how you want it," I say as I turn my head from him briefly looking over to see Zac standing in a corner of the room jerking off at the scene in front of him.
Smirking more I look back at Taylor who responds that he wants it hard and fast. Leaning down to kiss him again I slide down on his cock a moan coming out as I do so. I only stay still on him for a few minutes but then I start to move, riding him as if he is the best damn cock I have had.
He isn't though, the guy in the corner jerking off is but Taylor never has to know that he is second best to Zac. Hell I am sure I'm not the best Taylor has had either so it really shouldn't matter.
Closing my eyes as I ride Taylor faster I become faintly aware of Zac's foot steps getting closer to us and when I feel his body on top of me I close my eyes tighter, letting my hands rest on Taylor's chest as Zac slides inside of me a little to harsh for the entrance he is using.
"Fuck," I grunt out breaking away from the kiss. "Fuck this feels good," I speak as Zac starts to move on me. The movement from him is making me move on Taylor as well and I smirk liking the feeling of having two dicks inside of me even if one is in the entrance that I really don't like to be used.
Before I can speak again I feel Zac turn my head and he kisses my lips which makes me smile. It's during the kiss that I let myself zone out and enjoy the rest of this experience. I let myself be fucked by both Taylor and Zac who both seem to cum inside of me at the same time. I reach my peak only after Zac sneaks his hand around and plays with my clit while Taylor keeps moving inside of me.
Collapsing on Taylor's chest after I turn my head watching as Zac lays beside Taylor and I after he moves out of me. Zac just smiles before moving closer to Taylor. "She loves you," he tells him which shocks me that he is able to tell that already. "She loves you too," he whispers before kissing Taylor on the lips and shocking me again.
I have to admit what shocks me the most by his too is that I am not sure if he means I love Taylor as well as him or if he was telling Taylor in his own way that he also loves him. When they separate from the kiss I look at the both of them before biting my lip. I know it's impossible but I almost wish we could just all be together. That I didn't have to chose one over the other.
"I love her too," Taylor speaks finally which makes me blush and look at Zac. He doesn't say anything except nod his head but I can tell from the look on his face that he is contemplating something though he never says what. Instead he just pulls me away from Taylor and over towards him.
Closing my eyes I yawn before falling asleep next to Zac with Taylor on the other side of me. Again as I drift off I wish that we could all just be together.