Live In My Memory Chapter Twenty-Five
Sitting in the hospital waiting room I run a hand through my hair. Avery has been in labor with Milo now for hours and Zac my god Zac just came out of the room saying they had to take Avery down to surgery. Something about a complication arising that could put both Avery and Milo in jeopardy. Something that could kill them both.
Looking over at Zac I chew my lip knowing he must be going through hell. He and Avery had finally worked through his issues with Sam a month ago. A month ago though he had left Rachel and gotten with her a few months prior to that. I know he has to be beating himself up though as he thinks of the possibility of losing her for good or even losing Milo a baby they both wanted.
Standing from the chair I was in I walk over to Zac, putting my hand on his back, "You'll be okay," I assure him as I nod forcing a smile. It's only forced because I too am worrying about Avery. If she dies that will leave Bree without a mother and I don't think I can raise Bree on my own not when Avery and I have made a good team in co-parenting her since we broke up. Things are back to how they should be between us though I know deep down I could never make it without her because I love her too much. I love her so god damn much.
Zac looks up at me and frowns, "No I won't be," he whispers as he lays his head on my shoulder. "I won't be okay and neither will you," he whispers so only I can hear him. "We both need her Taylor. We both love her."
"That we do," I confirm after Zac finally moves his head off my shoulder. "We both love her but I know you're the one she is going to be with in the end. When she makes it through she is going to come back to you so you guys can be a family."
"She could come back to both of us," Zac states as he locks eyes with me. "She could be with both of us and we could all be a family. It's something Avery and I talked about this last month. Where you fit in our life. We..we're going to tell you our final decision but then you know life got hectic as we prepared for Milo."
I look at Zac feeling confused, "What do you mean where I fit in?" I ask unsure of what Zac is trying to say. The only place I fit in Avery's life is as Bree's father. I am Bree's father and nothing more. She is with the man she loves even if I love her too.
Zac goes silent as if he is thinking of a way to answer my question. Just how complicated can his answer be? How complicated is my position in their life?
"We both love you," Zac finally speaks his words coming as a shock to me. I hadn't expected him to say they both loved me. Last I knew he didn't love me back though if I was honest with myself I did love him. I had been in love with him since I helped him through his rape. "We both want you Taylor. I mean if you'll have us if Avery survives."
Going silent now I feel my eyes grow big at his words. They both want me. He and Avery both want me in their lives. They both love me too something I wasn't sure Zac felt towards me but maybe he has just realized it since getting back with Avery and working through his Sam issues.
"I do want both of you," I nod giving Zac a smile as the doctor walks into the room. Zac stands up and I decide to stand and walk with him. His face doesn't look at all happy or what it should be if he is giving good news.
I watch helplessly as Zac chews on his lip listening as the doctor delivers the news. The news which isn't good. The placenta had ruptured and Avery had hemorrhaged. They had tried everything but there was just too much blood loss and she was dead. She was dead though Milo had lived and was being taken to the nursery.
"Can I see her?" Zac asks his voice breaking which makes the tears I had been holding back come out. My sister, the mother of my child and the woman I love was dead. She was dead and she was never coming back. For once this was no elaborate scheme to fake someone's death. Avery was really dead.
The doctor just nods to Zac's question and he leads the way to where they have Avery's body. I don't even think Zac knows I am following him but I have too. I want to see Avery as well one last time. I need to see her.
When we get to the room I let Zac go in first and once I am in I freeze in my spot looking down at Avery who is laying on the bed as if she is sleeping but I know she isn't. There isn't the normal rise and fall of her chest or the snoring that she does but will never admit to. There is nothing there but a body of something that used to be my sister.
"Avery," Zac speaks as he looks down at her. "I need you to wake up," he says as he reaches his hand out to stroke her face. "I need you to come back for me. I can't do this without you," he sighs before his voice breaks. "I can't take care of Junia and Milo by myself. I can't do that baby," he breaths as strokes her face some more.
Seeing Zac like this is breaking my heart and I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could bring Avery back myself but I can't. I can't bring her back. She is gone and it's too late for anything. It's late for any plans she and Zac had about us, everything is too late.
Going over to Zac I put my hand on his back but he doesn't even flinch or acknowledge my presence. He just sits there looking at Avery as if he can will her back to life with stares now instead of words.
I stay silent only turning my head when I hear the door open, watching as a nurse comes in. "We need to get her body ready," she speaks as she looks at me and then towards Zac. "You need to go now."
Zac looks at her shaking his head, "She'll come back," he tells her before reaching for Avery's hand. "She is going to come back to me. We always come back to each other," he states his voice sounding even more sad than it previously had. My brother is a broken mess right now and it's killing me. It's killing me but I know I have to be the strong one for both of us and our children. Children who are now left without their mother.
"Zac come on buddy," I speak up as I slowly pull Zac up but he never once lets go of her hand.
"No," Zac snaps as he turns his head to face me pushing me away with his free hand. He pushes me enough that I move several steps away from him. "If I leave her they are going to cover her body up and that will be it. That will be the end and she won't come back," he frowns as tears go down his cheek. "She can't leave me Taylor. She can't leave me not when I love her and just got her back."
Just looking at him I sigh before running a hand through my hair, "She has left you though Zac. That isn't her right there, that is just her body. What made her Avery is gone."
I am not sure how long after my words Zac stands there but I finally watch as he lets her hand go. He lets her hand go and he walks over to me. When he reaches me I put an arm around him leading him out of the room as he continues to cry though now it's more like he is sobbing loudly. Like he is coming to terms with the fact that Avery is gone. Avery is dead now it's just him. It's Him and I who are left behind. We now have to take care of each other and our children.
"Let's go see your baby," I whisper to him knowing that seeing Milo may cheer him up. Even though Avery died giving birth to him I can't help but feel he is a sign of hope. A sign that Zac will get better, things will change.
Zac nods at my words before resting his head on my shoulder as we continue to walk, "I wanna see my son."
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Gasping for breath my eyes shoot open and I take in my surroundings looking at a woman dressed in bright pink scrubs. Her back is to me but I can tell she is a nurse and I know I am in a hospital. I remember all of my time with Carrick and I know that I died. I died but I choose to come back to Zac and my children.
"My baby," I finally mutter out my voice feeling hoarse and my throat raw. "I want to see my baby."
The nurse turns to look at me dropping the equipment she had in her hands. Her face pales slightly but she musters up the strength to leave the room and when she comes back she isn't alone. She has brought a doctor with her. A doctor who wants to check me out and ask questions. Questions I don't really want to answer because I want to see my son. I never got to see Milo.
"I want to see Milo," I speak getting agitated as the doctor continues asking questions even after getting a blood sample from me. "My baby."
"Miss.Hanson I just want to ask a few more questions," he starts but I shot him a glare. A glare that makes him gulp and tell the nurse to get me a wheel chair. "After you see your son expect to answer more questions."
I just nod as the nurse helps me into the wheel chair. After I see and hold Milo I will answer and god damn question he has for me.
Sitting in the hospital waiting room I run a hand through my hair. Avery has been in labor with Milo now for hours and Zac my god Zac just came out of the room saying they had to take Avery down to surgery. Something about a complication arising that could put both Avery and Milo in jeopardy. Something that could kill them both.
Looking over at Zac I chew my lip knowing he must be going through hell. He and Avery had finally worked through his issues with Sam a month ago. A month ago though he had left Rachel and gotten with her a few months prior to that. I know he has to be beating himself up though as he thinks of the possibility of losing her for good or even losing Milo a baby they both wanted.
Standing from the chair I was in I walk over to Zac, putting my hand on his back, "You'll be okay," I assure him as I nod forcing a smile. It's only forced because I too am worrying about Avery. If she dies that will leave Bree without a mother and I don't think I can raise Bree on my own not when Avery and I have made a good team in co-parenting her since we broke up. Things are back to how they should be between us though I know deep down I could never make it without her because I love her too much. I love her so god damn much.
Zac looks up at me and frowns, "No I won't be," he whispers as he lays his head on my shoulder. "I won't be okay and neither will you," he whispers so only I can hear him. "We both need her Taylor. We both love her."
"That we do," I confirm after Zac finally moves his head off my shoulder. "We both love her but I know you're the one she is going to be with in the end. When she makes it through she is going to come back to you so you guys can be a family."
"She could come back to both of us," Zac states as he locks eyes with me. "She could be with both of us and we could all be a family. It's something Avery and I talked about this last month. Where you fit in our life. We..we're going to tell you our final decision but then you know life got hectic as we prepared for Milo."
I look at Zac feeling confused, "What do you mean where I fit in?" I ask unsure of what Zac is trying to say. The only place I fit in Avery's life is as Bree's father. I am Bree's father and nothing more. She is with the man she loves even if I love her too.
Zac goes silent as if he is thinking of a way to answer my question. Just how complicated can his answer be? How complicated is my position in their life?
"We both love you," Zac finally speaks his words coming as a shock to me. I hadn't expected him to say they both loved me. Last I knew he didn't love me back though if I was honest with myself I did love him. I had been in love with him since I helped him through his rape. "We both want you Taylor. I mean if you'll have us if Avery survives."
Going silent now I feel my eyes grow big at his words. They both want me. He and Avery both want me in their lives. They both love me too something I wasn't sure Zac felt towards me but maybe he has just realized it since getting back with Avery and working through his Sam issues.
"I do want both of you," I nod giving Zac a smile as the doctor walks into the room. Zac stands up and I decide to stand and walk with him. His face doesn't look at all happy or what it should be if he is giving good news.
I watch helplessly as Zac chews on his lip listening as the doctor delivers the news. The news which isn't good. The placenta had ruptured and Avery had hemorrhaged. They had tried everything but there was just too much blood loss and she was dead. She was dead though Milo had lived and was being taken to the nursery.
"Can I see her?" Zac asks his voice breaking which makes the tears I had been holding back come out. My sister, the mother of my child and the woman I love was dead. She was dead and she was never coming back. For once this was no elaborate scheme to fake someone's death. Avery was really dead.
The doctor just nods to Zac's question and he leads the way to where they have Avery's body. I don't even think Zac knows I am following him but I have too. I want to see Avery as well one last time. I need to see her.
When we get to the room I let Zac go in first and once I am in I freeze in my spot looking down at Avery who is laying on the bed as if she is sleeping but I know she isn't. There isn't the normal rise and fall of her chest or the snoring that she does but will never admit to. There is nothing there but a body of something that used to be my sister.
"Avery," Zac speaks as he looks down at her. "I need you to wake up," he says as he reaches his hand out to stroke her face. "I need you to come back for me. I can't do this without you," he sighs before his voice breaks. "I can't take care of Junia and Milo by myself. I can't do that baby," he breaths as strokes her face some more.
Seeing Zac like this is breaking my heart and I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could bring Avery back myself but I can't. I can't bring her back. She is gone and it's too late for anything. It's late for any plans she and Zac had about us, everything is too late.
Going over to Zac I put my hand on his back but he doesn't even flinch or acknowledge my presence. He just sits there looking at Avery as if he can will her back to life with stares now instead of words.
I stay silent only turning my head when I hear the door open, watching as a nurse comes in. "We need to get her body ready," she speaks as she looks at me and then towards Zac. "You need to go now."
Zac looks at her shaking his head, "She'll come back," he tells her before reaching for Avery's hand. "She is going to come back to me. We always come back to each other," he states his voice sounding even more sad than it previously had. My brother is a broken mess right now and it's killing me. It's killing me but I know I have to be the strong one for both of us and our children. Children who are now left without their mother.
"Zac come on buddy," I speak up as I slowly pull Zac up but he never once lets go of her hand.
"No," Zac snaps as he turns his head to face me pushing me away with his free hand. He pushes me enough that I move several steps away from him. "If I leave her they are going to cover her body up and that will be it. That will be the end and she won't come back," he frowns as tears go down his cheek. "She can't leave me Taylor. She can't leave me not when I love her and just got her back."
Just looking at him I sigh before running a hand through my hair, "She has left you though Zac. That isn't her right there, that is just her body. What made her Avery is gone."
I am not sure how long after my words Zac stands there but I finally watch as he lets her hand go. He lets her hand go and he walks over to me. When he reaches me I put an arm around him leading him out of the room as he continues to cry though now it's more like he is sobbing loudly. Like he is coming to terms with the fact that Avery is gone. Avery is dead now it's just him. It's Him and I who are left behind. We now have to take care of each other and our children.
"Let's go see your baby," I whisper to him knowing that seeing Milo may cheer him up. Even though Avery died giving birth to him I can't help but feel he is a sign of hope. A sign that Zac will get better, things will change.
Zac nods at my words before resting his head on my shoulder as we continue to walk, "I wanna see my son."
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Gasping for breath my eyes shoot open and I take in my surroundings looking at a woman dressed in bright pink scrubs. Her back is to me but I can tell she is a nurse and I know I am in a hospital. I remember all of my time with Carrick and I know that I died. I died but I choose to come back to Zac and my children.
"My baby," I finally mutter out my voice feeling hoarse and my throat raw. "I want to see my baby."
The nurse turns to look at me dropping the equipment she had in her hands. Her face pales slightly but she musters up the strength to leave the room and when she comes back she isn't alone. She has brought a doctor with her. A doctor who wants to check me out and ask questions. Questions I don't really want to answer because I want to see my son. I never got to see Milo.
"I want to see Milo," I speak getting agitated as the doctor continues asking questions even after getting a blood sample from me. "My baby."
"Miss.Hanson I just want to ask a few more questions," he starts but I shot him a glare. A glare that makes him gulp and tell the nurse to get me a wheel chair. "After you see your son expect to answer more questions."
I just nod as the nurse helps me into the wheel chair. After I see and hold Milo I will answer and god damn question he has for me.