Live In My Memory Chapter Twenty-Four
After soothing Junia enough that she had stopped crying I knew getting her to sleep would be a different story. She was still so insistent on her dad being her. On Zac being here. I knew I had no other option but to call him even in the middle of the night. At least it would be for our child, the only reason he would want to talk to me anymore it seemed.
Putting Junia on her bed I promise her I will call Zac and he'll be here as soon as possible but the moment I leave her room and walk down the hall I start to regret my decision. How can I promise such things when I am not sure it's going to happen? Zac could deny me since he wants to be a fucking dick lately. He could deny me and make me a liar to our daughter but god I really hope that isn't the case here.
Picking up my home phone when I make into the living room I dial Zac's cell realizing that I don't know the number to his hotel or even which one he is staying at. Here is to hoping that he answers or even has it on since Rachel deliberately told me she wanted to make love all night with him and I did sort of delay that a bit by coming home later than I should have.
"Hello?" Zac's voice comes through after the fourth ring. He sounds sleepy so I feel a little better knowing that I probably interrupted his sleep and not sex with Rachel.
"Hey," I say after trying to shake thoughts of Zac and Rachel from my head. "I..I know you said not to contact you unless it was for the kids and this is kind of about Junia," I sigh unsure of how to explain this to him. He may not even understand it and he can still turn me down though I really hope not. "She had a bad dream and she just wants you here right now. She won't go back to sleep if you don't come by and see her."
I can hear movement and a voice I know as Rachel's in the background though I can't tell what Rachel is saying nor can I tell what Zac mutters to her because he must have moved away from the phone some. In my head though I can picture her trying to convince Zac just to stay there. Put Junia's problem off until a decent hour. I just have a feeling that's how she works. I have a huge feeling that's how she is wired.
"I'll be there soon Avie," Zac finally speaks bringing me out my thoughts. I don't even get a chance to reply though before he hangs up on me.
Hanging up as well I go to sit on the couch my hand resting on my stomach where Milo has decided he is going to be active now. I can feel him kicking me and trying to move up onto my bladder. I really hope he is unsuccessful in that because I don't feel like running to the bathroom every five minutes.
When I hear foot steps coming down the hall I look up expecting to see Junia but instead I see Taylor looking at me. "Junia came into the room looking for you," he laughs as he shakes his head. "I took her back to her room and promised I would find you."
"You found me," I nod giving him a tiny smile. He has found me alright. "I just got off the phone with Zac. He is on his way over. Junia had a bad dream and she won't go to sleep unless she sees him again," I shrug not sure if I should tell Taylor her whole dream though I expect him to ask. He is nosy like that and all. It's a Hanson family trait I think.
Taylor nods as if he understands, "What did she dream about?" he asks which makes me feel happy that I knew he would ask that. I just know Taylor well enough by now to know what he will and won't be nosy on.
"Zac was dead again and in heaven," I frown not liking that thought. I don't want to think of the possibility of being physically separated from Zac. Romantically I can deal because I know he'd still be alive but if he died for real I would lose my shit. I would really become inconsolable. "She wants him and Shepherd to come and live with us," I finish looking at Taylor for his reaction to that.
Taylor sits there silently his expression unreadable to me. It makes me worried that I have upset him again but at least I was being honest and not lying. At least I told him what Junia had wanted, not what I wanted.
"Do you know why he came back to town?" Taylor finally asks breaking the silence and making me look at him confused. "I mean when Sam kidnapped him?" he asked obviously reading the confusion on my face. Instead of speaking I just nod giving Taylor permission to tell me why Zac had came to town. What made him get so close for Sam to take him?
"He came back to win the woman he loved," Taylor smiles at the words he speaks. "He came to win you back. I'm not dumb I know he still loves you Avery. I love you too and I hear his love for you in his voice every time he comes to me to fix his problems," he shrugs before looking away from me.
Shaking my head I look away from Taylor as well. There is no way he is right. If Zac still loved me he'd want to fight for me regardless of him being stuck on what Sam did. He'd want me over Rachel..he wouldn't want me to give him space. "He doesn't love me anymore. If he loved me he'd fight for me regardless. I mean just listen to Juliet...we don't have that love anymore."
Taylor laughs at my words. A bitter laugh that stings me to my core. "You do too," he mutters and I feel him looking at me. "That's why I told you what I did before we made love Avie. I know you two still have so much love for each other and I don't want to get hurt but I know I will. I know I will if I don't back out now," he nods before standing from my couch. "I can't be Zac's go to guy when he needs me to fix shit and I can't be yours when you want me because he pushes you away...or because someone hurts you like Sam did," Taylor pauses as he looks down at me. "It's Zac who needs to be there for you."
After Taylor speaks I just sit there watching as he leaves the room. I'm not sure how long he is gone but when he comes back he has his bag in his hands and he mutters something about going back to his house in Tulsa. That he still loves me but he can't be second best anymore. He can't be someone's second best.
Even after he leaves my house I still sit there in shock that he finally had the balls to leave me. To realize I'd never love him back the way he deserved. Not when my heart belongs to Zac. Him leaving also means I have to finally grow my backbone, stop giving Zac what he wants and fight for him. He came here to win me back but now..now I have to win him back from Rachel before he makes a huge mistake.
Just when I am about to lean against the couch do I hear a knock on the door. Pushing my way up from the couch I walk to the door and open it, not surprised to see that Zac has finally showed up.
"Sorry I am late," he speaks as he pushes his way inside. "Rachel kind of kept me occupied," he tells me and I can only imagine what she kept him occupied with.
Shutting the door a little too loud I glare, "So pussy is more important than Junia?" I ask snapping at him some. I can tell when he turns to face me he is surprised by my attitude.
Zac's face stays surprised as he shakes his head, "No but I was in the shower and she just joined me," he shrugs. "I couldn't really tell her no," he sighs as he crosses his arms. "How about we just drop talk of my sex life with her? What was Junia's bad dream about?" he asks changing the subject on me.
Looking away from him I run a hand through my hair, "That you died for real and went to heaven," I whisper before turning to face him. "She woke up terrified that it was real. Luckily I calmed her down some but not enough. She wants to know you are okay. She needs to know you are okay and she kind of keeps saying she wants you and Shepherd to move in here. To be here with us."
"What did you say when she said that?" Zac asks me his eyebrow raising as if he expected me to tell my daughter, our daughter that her daddy wasn't coming home to be with us.
Shaking my head I shrug, "I didn't say anything," I answer him honestly. "I figured you could be the one to tell our daughter that you can't be with us because you want to try to push me away because you can't get over the Sam shit. That you want to be with Rachel when you still love me."
To that Zac just glares at me but walks off towards Junia's room, leaving me alone in the living room. After he leaves I frown hating that I seem to have made him made by telling the truth.
"Bastard," I whisper under my breath as I walk down the hall to my bedroom. It feels empty without Taylor but I can honestly say his leaving was the right thing to do. He saved himself from being used more than what I had used him. He deserves someone who can love him fully.
Laying down on my bed I drift off not really meaning too. It's just that it's still late and I am still sleepy even after everything that has happened so far.
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Waking as the sun comes through my bedroom windows I turn in the bed, my eyes opening as I feel a body beside me. To say I am surprised to see Zac laying beside me is an understatement. I am even more surprised to see him awake and staring at me.
"Hi," Zac smiles some as he slips his arm around my waist. "I...well you looked so peaceful sleeping and I didn't want to wake you," he defends himself as he smiles more. "I talked to our daughter. She told me about her dream herself. Told me how she wants Shep and I here like you said she did."
I nod feeling taken aback by his affection. Affection he hasn't shown me in so long. "And what did you tell her?" I ask almost nervous for his reply.
I watch as Zac chews on his lip but not once does he look away from me nor does he move his arm. "I told her we'd move in," he sighs as he pulls me as close as my belly will allow him to. "I know I've been a dick lately and just seeing Junia and her begging me to come home made me realize that. I want to get past this Sam stuff with you," he whispers to me before leaning in to kiss me on the lips.
I really shouldn't return the kiss, not after what he has put me through but I find myself returning it. I find myself kissing him back and wanting to help him through the Sam stuff. I want to help Zac get better so that we can be a family with our kids...all of our kids, even the ones we don't share together.
Pulling away from the kiss eventually I look at him, "I love you," I whisper to him watching as he smiles again. "I love you and I want to help you through this like we should've been doing all along."
"I'm just stupid and stubborn," Zac concedes as he looks at me. "Can you forgive me?" he asks and I don't even have to think my answer over. Instead I just nod my head. I nod my head and lean in to kiss him again. I can forgive him because I love him that much.
After soothing Junia enough that she had stopped crying I knew getting her to sleep would be a different story. She was still so insistent on her dad being her. On Zac being here. I knew I had no other option but to call him even in the middle of the night. At least it would be for our child, the only reason he would want to talk to me anymore it seemed.
Putting Junia on her bed I promise her I will call Zac and he'll be here as soon as possible but the moment I leave her room and walk down the hall I start to regret my decision. How can I promise such things when I am not sure it's going to happen? Zac could deny me since he wants to be a fucking dick lately. He could deny me and make me a liar to our daughter but god I really hope that isn't the case here.
Picking up my home phone when I make into the living room I dial Zac's cell realizing that I don't know the number to his hotel or even which one he is staying at. Here is to hoping that he answers or even has it on since Rachel deliberately told me she wanted to make love all night with him and I did sort of delay that a bit by coming home later than I should have.
"Hello?" Zac's voice comes through after the fourth ring. He sounds sleepy so I feel a little better knowing that I probably interrupted his sleep and not sex with Rachel.
"Hey," I say after trying to shake thoughts of Zac and Rachel from my head. "I..I know you said not to contact you unless it was for the kids and this is kind of about Junia," I sigh unsure of how to explain this to him. He may not even understand it and he can still turn me down though I really hope not. "She had a bad dream and she just wants you here right now. She won't go back to sleep if you don't come by and see her."
I can hear movement and a voice I know as Rachel's in the background though I can't tell what Rachel is saying nor can I tell what Zac mutters to her because he must have moved away from the phone some. In my head though I can picture her trying to convince Zac just to stay there. Put Junia's problem off until a decent hour. I just have a feeling that's how she works. I have a huge feeling that's how she is wired.
"I'll be there soon Avie," Zac finally speaks bringing me out my thoughts. I don't even get a chance to reply though before he hangs up on me.
Hanging up as well I go to sit on the couch my hand resting on my stomach where Milo has decided he is going to be active now. I can feel him kicking me and trying to move up onto my bladder. I really hope he is unsuccessful in that because I don't feel like running to the bathroom every five minutes.
When I hear foot steps coming down the hall I look up expecting to see Junia but instead I see Taylor looking at me. "Junia came into the room looking for you," he laughs as he shakes his head. "I took her back to her room and promised I would find you."
"You found me," I nod giving him a tiny smile. He has found me alright. "I just got off the phone with Zac. He is on his way over. Junia had a bad dream and she won't go to sleep unless she sees him again," I shrug not sure if I should tell Taylor her whole dream though I expect him to ask. He is nosy like that and all. It's a Hanson family trait I think.
Taylor nods as if he understands, "What did she dream about?" he asks which makes me feel happy that I knew he would ask that. I just know Taylor well enough by now to know what he will and won't be nosy on.
"Zac was dead again and in heaven," I frown not liking that thought. I don't want to think of the possibility of being physically separated from Zac. Romantically I can deal because I know he'd still be alive but if he died for real I would lose my shit. I would really become inconsolable. "She wants him and Shepherd to come and live with us," I finish looking at Taylor for his reaction to that.
Taylor sits there silently his expression unreadable to me. It makes me worried that I have upset him again but at least I was being honest and not lying. At least I told him what Junia had wanted, not what I wanted.
"Do you know why he came back to town?" Taylor finally asks breaking the silence and making me look at him confused. "I mean when Sam kidnapped him?" he asked obviously reading the confusion on my face. Instead of speaking I just nod giving Taylor permission to tell me why Zac had came to town. What made him get so close for Sam to take him?
"He came back to win the woman he loved," Taylor smiles at the words he speaks. "He came to win you back. I'm not dumb I know he still loves you Avery. I love you too and I hear his love for you in his voice every time he comes to me to fix his problems," he shrugs before looking away from me.
Shaking my head I look away from Taylor as well. There is no way he is right. If Zac still loved me he'd want to fight for me regardless of him being stuck on what Sam did. He'd want me over Rachel..he wouldn't want me to give him space. "He doesn't love me anymore. If he loved me he'd fight for me regardless. I mean just listen to Juliet...we don't have that love anymore."
Taylor laughs at my words. A bitter laugh that stings me to my core. "You do too," he mutters and I feel him looking at me. "That's why I told you what I did before we made love Avie. I know you two still have so much love for each other and I don't want to get hurt but I know I will. I know I will if I don't back out now," he nods before standing from my couch. "I can't be Zac's go to guy when he needs me to fix shit and I can't be yours when you want me because he pushes you away...or because someone hurts you like Sam did," Taylor pauses as he looks down at me. "It's Zac who needs to be there for you."
After Taylor speaks I just sit there watching as he leaves the room. I'm not sure how long he is gone but when he comes back he has his bag in his hands and he mutters something about going back to his house in Tulsa. That he still loves me but he can't be second best anymore. He can't be someone's second best.
Even after he leaves my house I still sit there in shock that he finally had the balls to leave me. To realize I'd never love him back the way he deserved. Not when my heart belongs to Zac. Him leaving also means I have to finally grow my backbone, stop giving Zac what he wants and fight for him. He came here to win me back but now..now I have to win him back from Rachel before he makes a huge mistake.
Just when I am about to lean against the couch do I hear a knock on the door. Pushing my way up from the couch I walk to the door and open it, not surprised to see that Zac has finally showed up.
"Sorry I am late," he speaks as he pushes his way inside. "Rachel kind of kept me occupied," he tells me and I can only imagine what she kept him occupied with.
Shutting the door a little too loud I glare, "So pussy is more important than Junia?" I ask snapping at him some. I can tell when he turns to face me he is surprised by my attitude.
Zac's face stays surprised as he shakes his head, "No but I was in the shower and she just joined me," he shrugs. "I couldn't really tell her no," he sighs as he crosses his arms. "How about we just drop talk of my sex life with her? What was Junia's bad dream about?" he asks changing the subject on me.
Looking away from him I run a hand through my hair, "That you died for real and went to heaven," I whisper before turning to face him. "She woke up terrified that it was real. Luckily I calmed her down some but not enough. She wants to know you are okay. She needs to know you are okay and she kind of keeps saying she wants you and Shepherd to move in here. To be here with us."
"What did you say when she said that?" Zac asks me his eyebrow raising as if he expected me to tell my daughter, our daughter that her daddy wasn't coming home to be with us.
Shaking my head I shrug, "I didn't say anything," I answer him honestly. "I figured you could be the one to tell our daughter that you can't be with us because you want to try to push me away because you can't get over the Sam shit. That you want to be with Rachel when you still love me."
To that Zac just glares at me but walks off towards Junia's room, leaving me alone in the living room. After he leaves I frown hating that I seem to have made him made by telling the truth.
"Bastard," I whisper under my breath as I walk down the hall to my bedroom. It feels empty without Taylor but I can honestly say his leaving was the right thing to do. He saved himself from being used more than what I had used him. He deserves someone who can love him fully.
Laying down on my bed I drift off not really meaning too. It's just that it's still late and I am still sleepy even after everything that has happened so far.
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Waking as the sun comes through my bedroom windows I turn in the bed, my eyes opening as I feel a body beside me. To say I am surprised to see Zac laying beside me is an understatement. I am even more surprised to see him awake and staring at me.
"Hi," Zac smiles some as he slips his arm around my waist. "I...well you looked so peaceful sleeping and I didn't want to wake you," he defends himself as he smiles more. "I talked to our daughter. She told me about her dream herself. Told me how she wants Shep and I here like you said she did."
I nod feeling taken aback by his affection. Affection he hasn't shown me in so long. "And what did you tell her?" I ask almost nervous for his reply.
I watch as Zac chews on his lip but not once does he look away from me nor does he move his arm. "I told her we'd move in," he sighs as he pulls me as close as my belly will allow him to. "I know I've been a dick lately and just seeing Junia and her begging me to come home made me realize that. I want to get past this Sam stuff with you," he whispers to me before leaning in to kiss me on the lips.
I really shouldn't return the kiss, not after what he has put me through but I find myself returning it. I find myself kissing him back and wanting to help him through the Sam stuff. I want to help Zac get better so that we can be a family with our kids...all of our kids, even the ones we don't share together.
Pulling away from the kiss eventually I look at him, "I love you," I whisper to him watching as he smiles again. "I love you and I want to help you through this like we should've been doing all along."
"I'm just stupid and stubborn," Zac concedes as he looks at me. "Can you forgive me?" he asks and I don't even have to think my answer over. Instead I just nod my head. I nod my head and lean in to kiss him again. I can forgive him because I love him that much.