Live In My Memory Chapter Twenty-Three
Once I am satisfied with how late I have been out I arrive back home and park my car before heading inside. Opening the door I turn the lights on and stop in my tracks when I see Zac laying on the couch with Bree asleep on his chest and Junia snuggled into his side. He looks so adorable with both of my girls. He looks really adorable.
Grabbing my cellphone from my pocket I take a picture of the moment before putting the picture as my background. I want to always remember this. How Zac looks with my kids. How he looks with our daughter and his niece. Putting my phone away I slip my shoes off before walking towards the couch.
"Zac," I whisper when I get there. I pray he can hear me because there is no way in hell I am bending down. I will never get back up since I am starting to resemble a beached whale.
Zac's eyes flicker open at my voice and he looks up at me still sleepy, "What time is it?" he asks through a yawn before taking in his surroundings.
"A little after ten-thirty," I answer before leaning down some to pick up Junia who luckily doesn't wake up. "I went shopping after lunch with Rachel," I admit though I know I am never going to tell him I went shopping because I was trying to keep him from the woman he supposedly is in love with enough to marry. "I wanted to get some more baby stuff for Milo," I smile as I carry Junia down to her room.
When I reach Junia's room I go to her bed where I lay her down and cover her up. As I watch her sleep I can't help but smile. She will always be one of the best things I have ever gotten from Zac, the other being Milo who isn't here yet.
Turning to leave the room I again stop when I reach Bree's nursery where I see Zac putting her down in her crib. "I could have done that," I smile as I walk into the room and come to a stop beside him and look down at Bree who is sleeping. Her red hair is all messy and she has drool on her cheek. Oddly she reminds me of Taylor...and also Ezra and Willa
"She's beautiful," Zac speaks ignoring me telling him I could have put her to bed. "Obviously she gets her red hair from Taylor," he notes with a chuckle.
"Makes his third kid to get it," I laugh before I turn to leave the room feeling Zac following after me. "I hope Milo is a blonde like Junia is," I say before rubbing my belly. "I hope he inherits your looks."
I can hear Zac grunt from behind me, "But I look like a dirty hobo half the time," he laugh some. "A very dirty hobo."
Sitting down on the couch when I make it to the living room, "You didn't resemble a dirty hobo when you were a kid," I remind him. "You were an adorable little kid who knew how to work some of the worst hair styles ever," I shrug before putting my feet on top of the coffee table after slipping my shoes off. I am sure I am looking the pregnant woman cliche right now. My feet on the coffee table and my hand resting on my bump.
"True," Zac nods as he sits down beside me. "How did it go with Rachel?" he asks finally. I knew he'd ask that questuon and to be honest I have been dreading it because I am not sure if I should tell him that she told be not to be around him unless it involved the kids or if I should just let it be and let it come out in it's own time.
Biting my lip I look away from him, "She thinks I should only be around you when it concerns Junia or Milo," I tell him deciding to be honest here.
"She told me she would tell you that," Zac says and I am shocked. He knew that Rachel was going to say that yet he still wanted me to go. "I hope you agreed to it," he speaks again shocking me more. "Rachel and I know it will be best for our marriage which we both want to make work. It's different with her then it ever was with Kate. I want my marriage to work Avie."
Looking at him I just shake my head, "You knew why she wanted to talk to me?" I ask feeling my voice crack as I do so. "You feel the same way she does?" I ask another question not sure whether I am more hurt or pissed off right now.
"I did know and I do feel the same," Zac confirms as he looks at me his voice a mixture of confusion and clarity both at the same time. "I was hoping you would understand," he sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.
Looking away from him I nod my head, "I understand," I tell him before standing from the couch. "Now leave my house. Rachel is waiting on you at the hotel so you two can have sex," I spit out watching as he stands up. If I expected him to apologize or even just say anything he doesn't. Instead he leaves like I tell him to do. He leaves and I let him. I let him leave.
Turning my back I head down the hallway and into my room. Maybe tonight is my wake up call that things with Zac are finally over no matter how much I love him. He wants his marriage to work with Rachel. He wants to be with Rachel and I am just someone he wants to see if it involves our kids. I am no longer the woman he is willing to fight for. I am not the woman he would bring a child to New York for so he could try to win her back.
Closing my eyes as I lay in bed I finally let my tears fall silently. I almost wish Taylor were here right now instead of being in Georgia working out last minute stuff in his divorce. I need Taylor back so he can help me. I need him here to hold me.
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Standing at the airport two days later I watch as Junia hops around getting all of her pent up energy out. "Down," Bree says as she tries to wiggle out of my arms.
"You want down?" I ask her and she nods so I put her down. To be honest I am kind of glad she wanted down because my back was starting to hurt holding her. Once she is down she talks off following Junia around like a puppy. It's no lie to say that Bree adores her big sister in the same way that Junia adores Shepherd when she is with Shepherd.
Sitting down in a chair I keep my eyes on the girls while cheeking my watch. Taylor's plane should be here soon. He should be coming back from Georgia soon. Ever since my conversation with Zac it is what I have wanted. I have wanted Taylor back here because when he is with me everything seems like it will be okay.
"Mommy," Junia asks bringing me out of my thoughts. "When will Uncle Taylah be here?" she asks saying Taylor's name in the childish way she has always said it. "He told me last night when he called he got Bree and I both toys."
I smile at the last thing she says, "He should be getting here any minute now," I tell her. "And what are you going to tell Uncle Taylor once he gives you the toy?"
Junia has to think over that for a moment, "Thank you," she finally speaks and I nod confirming she has given me the right answer. I know Taylor honestly doesn't have to buy her any gifts. She isn't his daughter. She is just his niece. It's Bree who is his daughter.
"There are my three favorite ladies," Taylor's voice speaks and I turn to see him standing not that far from us. Standing up I go over to him right as Bree makes her way to him as well. He picks Bree up first before pulling me to him and kissing me on the lips. A kiss I return.
"Your three favorite ladies missed you," I smile as I pull away from him and watch Junia come running over. He also picks her up and kisses her cheek which causes her to make a face at that. It seems she only likes it when Zac kisses her cheek.
Taylor laughs at the face Junia makes, "I missed my ladies as well," he winks before heading to get his bags. I follow behind him the best I can but my pregnancy is starting to slow me down. "I was thinking on the way home we could stop for ice cream. My treat," he smirks once we reach the baggage claim. "And I will also give these two princesses their presents I got them."
"I'm sure they will love both ideas," I nod watching as he puts both girls down to get his bags. After he has them he picks Bree back up and holds onto Junia's hand as we leave the airport heading to my car. Once we get there I let him put Bree in while I get Junia in.
After everyone is in and situated I drive to the ice cream place where Taylor makes good on his promise of giving the girls their toys. He gets Bree a stuffed monkey and Junia a new barbie doll. It's after they have their toys that we get ice cream. The girls eat their ice cream but they seem much more interested in the toys than the food. To be honest when I was their age I was probably the same way.
By the time we finish the ice cream and head back to my place both girls are wore out and don't even fight bath time or bed time. It's after they are both in bed though that Taylor and I finally get alone time. Time which I am sure we both need together.
"I did really miss you," I tell him again as I shut the door to my bedroom turning to see him stripping down to his underwear. "I missed you a lot."
"Did you miss me because Zac pushed you away more?" Taylor asks me as I open my closet door to get my night gown out.
I shake my head before undressing, "Why would you ask that?" I ask him trying to deny that it was part of the reason I missed him so much.
"Because he called me and told me about the Rachel situation," Taylor replies and I turn to look at him after I get my night gown on. Of course Zac called Taylor. Of course he told Taylor about our newest issues. "It just seems like you need me more every time Zac hurts you or pushes you away. Avie we agreed to be in a relationship and if you're just using me to get over whatever hurt Zac gives you could you tell me? Let me know so I can just end things now before I get hurt because I love you. I am in love with you."
Hearing Taylor say he is in love with me I walk over to the bed and get in beside him, "I'm not using you," I tell him honestly. "Yes I did miss you because Zac hurt me but I miss you because you make everything better after he hurts me. You make me feel better. I wouldn't use you like that because I love you too," I nod. I may not be in love with him right now but I do love him. I do love him and that's a start.
"I love you," I whisper before leaning in to kiss him on the lips. I do love him and I want to show him that by making love to him. I want to show him how much I love him.
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Being awoken in the middle of the night by a loud scream I jump up still half asleep. When I hear the scream again I realize though that it's Junia so I get out of bed not surprised in the least that Taylor can sleep through a child screaming as if she is about to die. Making it to her room I open the door to find her in bed sitting up.
"Junebug?" I ask as I sit down on the bed. "What's the matter sweetie?"
Junia looks at me her lip trembling some, "I had a dream daddy went to heaven again," she whimpers as she leans into me. "I had a dream that he left me and he wasn't coming back. Mommy I want daddy home with us," she whispers before climbing into my lap. "I want daddy and Shepherd home with us," she mutters into my neck as she continues to whimper off and on even with me rocking her back and forth.
I'm not sure what to tell her in response to Zac and Shepherd coming to live with us. I know it will never happen. Zac and are over now. He has made that clear. He is with Rachel where he wants to be and I am with Taylor. How do I tell my daughter that her daddy can't be here with us?
Once I am satisfied with how late I have been out I arrive back home and park my car before heading inside. Opening the door I turn the lights on and stop in my tracks when I see Zac laying on the couch with Bree asleep on his chest and Junia snuggled into his side. He looks so adorable with both of my girls. He looks really adorable.
Grabbing my cellphone from my pocket I take a picture of the moment before putting the picture as my background. I want to always remember this. How Zac looks with my kids. How he looks with our daughter and his niece. Putting my phone away I slip my shoes off before walking towards the couch.
"Zac," I whisper when I get there. I pray he can hear me because there is no way in hell I am bending down. I will never get back up since I am starting to resemble a beached whale.
Zac's eyes flicker open at my voice and he looks up at me still sleepy, "What time is it?" he asks through a yawn before taking in his surroundings.
"A little after ten-thirty," I answer before leaning down some to pick up Junia who luckily doesn't wake up. "I went shopping after lunch with Rachel," I admit though I know I am never going to tell him I went shopping because I was trying to keep him from the woman he supposedly is in love with enough to marry. "I wanted to get some more baby stuff for Milo," I smile as I carry Junia down to her room.
When I reach Junia's room I go to her bed where I lay her down and cover her up. As I watch her sleep I can't help but smile. She will always be one of the best things I have ever gotten from Zac, the other being Milo who isn't here yet.
Turning to leave the room I again stop when I reach Bree's nursery where I see Zac putting her down in her crib. "I could have done that," I smile as I walk into the room and come to a stop beside him and look down at Bree who is sleeping. Her red hair is all messy and she has drool on her cheek. Oddly she reminds me of Taylor...and also Ezra and Willa
"She's beautiful," Zac speaks ignoring me telling him I could have put her to bed. "Obviously she gets her red hair from Taylor," he notes with a chuckle.
"Makes his third kid to get it," I laugh before I turn to leave the room feeling Zac following after me. "I hope Milo is a blonde like Junia is," I say before rubbing my belly. "I hope he inherits your looks."
I can hear Zac grunt from behind me, "But I look like a dirty hobo half the time," he laugh some. "A very dirty hobo."
Sitting down on the couch when I make it to the living room, "You didn't resemble a dirty hobo when you were a kid," I remind him. "You were an adorable little kid who knew how to work some of the worst hair styles ever," I shrug before putting my feet on top of the coffee table after slipping my shoes off. I am sure I am looking the pregnant woman cliche right now. My feet on the coffee table and my hand resting on my bump.
"True," Zac nods as he sits down beside me. "How did it go with Rachel?" he asks finally. I knew he'd ask that questuon and to be honest I have been dreading it because I am not sure if I should tell him that she told be not to be around him unless it involved the kids or if I should just let it be and let it come out in it's own time.
Biting my lip I look away from him, "She thinks I should only be around you when it concerns Junia or Milo," I tell him deciding to be honest here.
"She told me she would tell you that," Zac says and I am shocked. He knew that Rachel was going to say that yet he still wanted me to go. "I hope you agreed to it," he speaks again shocking me more. "Rachel and I know it will be best for our marriage which we both want to make work. It's different with her then it ever was with Kate. I want my marriage to work Avie."
Looking at him I just shake my head, "You knew why she wanted to talk to me?" I ask feeling my voice crack as I do so. "You feel the same way she does?" I ask another question not sure whether I am more hurt or pissed off right now.
"I did know and I do feel the same," Zac confirms as he looks at me his voice a mixture of confusion and clarity both at the same time. "I was hoping you would understand," he sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.
Looking away from him I nod my head, "I understand," I tell him before standing from the couch. "Now leave my house. Rachel is waiting on you at the hotel so you two can have sex," I spit out watching as he stands up. If I expected him to apologize or even just say anything he doesn't. Instead he leaves like I tell him to do. He leaves and I let him. I let him leave.
Turning my back I head down the hallway and into my room. Maybe tonight is my wake up call that things with Zac are finally over no matter how much I love him. He wants his marriage to work with Rachel. He wants to be with Rachel and I am just someone he wants to see if it involves our kids. I am no longer the woman he is willing to fight for. I am not the woman he would bring a child to New York for so he could try to win her back.
Closing my eyes as I lay in bed I finally let my tears fall silently. I almost wish Taylor were here right now instead of being in Georgia working out last minute stuff in his divorce. I need Taylor back so he can help me. I need him here to hold me.
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Standing at the airport two days later I watch as Junia hops around getting all of her pent up energy out. "Down," Bree says as she tries to wiggle out of my arms.
"You want down?" I ask her and she nods so I put her down. To be honest I am kind of glad she wanted down because my back was starting to hurt holding her. Once she is down she talks off following Junia around like a puppy. It's no lie to say that Bree adores her big sister in the same way that Junia adores Shepherd when she is with Shepherd.
Sitting down in a chair I keep my eyes on the girls while cheeking my watch. Taylor's plane should be here soon. He should be coming back from Georgia soon. Ever since my conversation with Zac it is what I have wanted. I have wanted Taylor back here because when he is with me everything seems like it will be okay.
"Mommy," Junia asks bringing me out of my thoughts. "When will Uncle Taylah be here?" she asks saying Taylor's name in the childish way she has always said it. "He told me last night when he called he got Bree and I both toys."
I smile at the last thing she says, "He should be getting here any minute now," I tell her. "And what are you going to tell Uncle Taylor once he gives you the toy?"
Junia has to think over that for a moment, "Thank you," she finally speaks and I nod confirming she has given me the right answer. I know Taylor honestly doesn't have to buy her any gifts. She isn't his daughter. She is just his niece. It's Bree who is his daughter.
"There are my three favorite ladies," Taylor's voice speaks and I turn to see him standing not that far from us. Standing up I go over to him right as Bree makes her way to him as well. He picks Bree up first before pulling me to him and kissing me on the lips. A kiss I return.
"Your three favorite ladies missed you," I smile as I pull away from him and watch Junia come running over. He also picks her up and kisses her cheek which causes her to make a face at that. It seems she only likes it when Zac kisses her cheek.
Taylor laughs at the face Junia makes, "I missed my ladies as well," he winks before heading to get his bags. I follow behind him the best I can but my pregnancy is starting to slow me down. "I was thinking on the way home we could stop for ice cream. My treat," he smirks once we reach the baggage claim. "And I will also give these two princesses their presents I got them."
"I'm sure they will love both ideas," I nod watching as he puts both girls down to get his bags. After he has them he picks Bree back up and holds onto Junia's hand as we leave the airport heading to my car. Once we get there I let him put Bree in while I get Junia in.
After everyone is in and situated I drive to the ice cream place where Taylor makes good on his promise of giving the girls their toys. He gets Bree a stuffed monkey and Junia a new barbie doll. It's after they have their toys that we get ice cream. The girls eat their ice cream but they seem much more interested in the toys than the food. To be honest when I was their age I was probably the same way.
By the time we finish the ice cream and head back to my place both girls are wore out and don't even fight bath time or bed time. It's after they are both in bed though that Taylor and I finally get alone time. Time which I am sure we both need together.
"I did really miss you," I tell him again as I shut the door to my bedroom turning to see him stripping down to his underwear. "I missed you a lot."
"Did you miss me because Zac pushed you away more?" Taylor asks me as I open my closet door to get my night gown out.
I shake my head before undressing, "Why would you ask that?" I ask him trying to deny that it was part of the reason I missed him so much.
"Because he called me and told me about the Rachel situation," Taylor replies and I turn to look at him after I get my night gown on. Of course Zac called Taylor. Of course he told Taylor about our newest issues. "It just seems like you need me more every time Zac hurts you or pushes you away. Avie we agreed to be in a relationship and if you're just using me to get over whatever hurt Zac gives you could you tell me? Let me know so I can just end things now before I get hurt because I love you. I am in love with you."
Hearing Taylor say he is in love with me I walk over to the bed and get in beside him, "I'm not using you," I tell him honestly. "Yes I did miss you because Zac hurt me but I miss you because you make everything better after he hurts me. You make me feel better. I wouldn't use you like that because I love you too," I nod. I may not be in love with him right now but I do love him. I do love him and that's a start.
"I love you," I whisper before leaning in to kiss him on the lips. I do love him and I want to show him that by making love to him. I want to show him how much I love him.
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Being awoken in the middle of the night by a loud scream I jump up still half asleep. When I hear the scream again I realize though that it's Junia so I get out of bed not surprised in the least that Taylor can sleep through a child screaming as if she is about to die. Making it to her room I open the door to find her in bed sitting up.
"Junebug?" I ask as I sit down on the bed. "What's the matter sweetie?"
Junia looks at me her lip trembling some, "I had a dream daddy went to heaven again," she whimpers as she leans into me. "I had a dream that he left me and he wasn't coming back. Mommy I want daddy home with us," she whispers before climbing into my lap. "I want daddy and Shepherd home with us," she mutters into my neck as she continues to whimper off and on even with me rocking her back and forth.
I'm not sure what to tell her in response to Zac and Shepherd coming to live with us. I know it will never happen. Zac and are over now. He has made that clear. He is with Rachel where he wants to be and I am with Taylor. How do I tell my daughter that her daddy can't be here with us?