Live In My Memory Chapter Twenty-Two
On Monday I am not surprised when Zac brings Junia back though I am surprised when he tells me that he and Rachel are staying longer than expected. Apparently she wants Zac to convince our dad to let them live in the cabin after they get married because she liked it so much and it's her dream home. I half wonder how much it would be her dream home if she knew that I had sex with Taylor there more than once.
"Taylor isn't here?" Zac asks as he stands from the couch and I give him a confused look. How did he know Taylor brought Bree back early? Ever since getting together with Taylor we had been together almost constantly which meant he had no time to run off and call Zac to let him know.
"How did you know he was here?" I ask before shaking my head when I realize why Taylor came back early. "You told him to come back didn't you?" I accuse Zac knowing I already have my answer. "You told him to come back here early and convince me to be with him."
Zac looks down at the carpet his face giving away his guilt, "Was it that obvious?" he asks when he looks back up to flash me a smile. "I just want you to be happy Avery," he tells me as he shrugs. "Obviously since I can't ever get over what Sam did..what I allowed him to do we can never be together and you deserve to be as happy as I am with Rachel."
"But you said you still loved me. You said that before I left to get Junia's stuff. How can you be happy with Rachel when you still love me?" I ask him as I feel anger at the fact that he has pulled my hand into being with Taylor. That not only did I follow his wishes but he made it so Taylor would come back early and even ask me to be with him.
Zac sighs before sitting back down beside me on the couch again. "I can be happy with someone else while still loving you Avery," he says before looking me in the eyes. "I'll always love you but love isn't enough right now, especially when I am not over certain things."
Frowning I wish his reasons didn't make sense to me but they do. They always have made sense to me. "Fine," I concede before standing from the couch. "I'll stay with Taylor and you go off and marry Rachel and have your perfect family while trying to cover up the fact that you still love me and want to be with me, especially if you could get over all the shit Sam did. One day I am gonna be gone and you're gonna regret pushing me away," I tell him before crossing my arms over my belly.
When Zac goes silent at my words I know I have struck a cord with him. I know I have but I don't care because at least now I know my words are true. He will live in regret one day. One day it will be too late and he'll have to live with that. "Just leave and go be with your future wife. Go convince dad some more to let you have the cabin."
I watch as Zac stands up and walks to the door. He stops when he gets there to look back at me, "I can't convince dad anymore today. Rachel and I have to go and see her sister. Her sister lives in Oklahoma City but decided to drive to Tulsa to have dinner with us since we are staying longer," he explains before turning his back to me and leaving finally.
Once the door is shut I roll my eyes but head into the kitchen where I quickly fix dinner for my own kids and myself. Taylor won't be around for dinner. He had flew back into Georgia to make some final arrangements in his divorce from Natalie. Apparently he is going to try to talk her into not using Bree's paternity against him.
After I have dinner fixed and both girls are fed I get them ready for bed and then I just have me time or what I thought was me time. My me time is interrupted by a knock on the door. A knock that gets louder by the third knock. Whoever it is must really want to see me and well I am just not up for company but I have a feeling this person won't go away. Not if their knocking is an indicator of how badly they want inside.
Going to the door I pull it open and freeze when I see Heather standing at my door. Raising an eyebrow I look her over knowing I haven't seen her since that day in the hospital after Sam had shot Carrick. "What are you doing here?" I ask her blocking the door so she can't come in. I know it's stupid but I don't want her in my place.
Heather bites her lips as her eyes scan me her eyes soon stopping as they reach my belly. It's when they get there that she looks like she is about to get sick but I don't press her on the sick feeling. It's not my place to press her on that.
"I came to give you this," she says before holding out an envelope for me to take. "Carrick wrote it for you and his mother found it when she was going through his stuff. She didn't know where you were staying at now so she had me deliver it. Not that she likes me but she knew I knew where you lived."
Taking the envelope I sigh as I move away from the door some. "How did you know where I lived?"
"I have my ways," Heather shrugs before turning her back to me and walking away. When she is gone I go back inside and shut the door before walking to the couch. Sitting down I open the envelope and pull out a piece of paper.
Unfolding the paper I let my eyes scan the words written on it.
Dear Avery,
I know things haven't been good for us lately. You have found out about Heather and I, not to mention Zac is back and well I confronted you today about taking Bree away from you. I shouldn't have done that and I was wrong for it. I was wrong for a lot of stuff I did these past few months to you and our family. I still consider you, Junia and Bree as my family...my girls. I'm sorry for what I have done.
In being sorry I guess I should tell you I ended things with Heather. I couldn't keep seeing her especially if maybe there is a chance for us..even with Zac back in town. Though I know I will never win against him I can at least hope that once you get this you may consider me worthy again. It's my confession on why I cheated...why I messed up.
I wasn't lonely and I didn't not love you anymore. I was just dumb and thinking with my dick. I never loved Heather however much she wanted me too. It was always you and she knew that. She knew that and I knew that yet I kept going back to her out of stupidity. I guess I needed to prove to myself that someone could love me because I always felt you never loved me enough even though you did agree to marry me.
Heather eventually realized I loved you though...she realized it when I ened things with her. I just wish I could have done it sooner but I was stupid and I have a lot of missed chances under my belt.
Love Carrick
Once I am done reading his letter I fold it back up and put it on the table, smiling some as my hand rests on my belly. It is nice to know that his last words before Sam killed him he gave to me. That he apologized for what he had done wrong. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Maybe he was just scared of always losing me.
It's not like he was wrong in that I never loved him as much as he deserved because I didn't. I always had Taylor and Zac in my heart then.
Biting my lip I close my eyes and drift off without really meaning too. It's a sleep filled with dreams of Carrick and our happier times together. Times I will always remember when I think of him.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
After seeing Heather and getting Carrick's letter several weeks again seem to pass me by. Weeks in which I spend with my children enjoying the summer though of course something has to come up to ruin all that fun. Zac has given me word via text that Rachel wanted to meet me one on one for lunch.
It was something I knew I shouldn't have agreed too but I did. I agreed to it and also got Zac to agree to watch both of my children while I met his soon to be wife at the near by Taco Bueno. Apparently Milo is taking after his dad and making me crave Taco Bueno for most of the pregnancy.
Arriving at the restaurant I park my car and get out. Heading inside I make my order even after I spot Rachel sitting at a table waiting for me. Well she can wait all she wants because I am not going to that table until I have my food in my hands. My baby wants some damn Taco Bueno and I am sure if I don't get I will murder someone though I will probably murder someone after this meeting with Rachel mainly because I can't figure out why she wants to meet with me.
When I am given my food I take it and walk over to where Rachel is sitting at. "I hope you don't mind me eating? I mean you did say you wanted to meet for lunch," I tell her as I sit down. A fake smile is plastered on my lips much like the own fake one occupying her lips as well.
Rachel shrugs, "You have to feed your baby. Go ahead and eat," she nods before moving her chair closer to the table. "I'm glad you could meet with me."
"To be honest I thought of saying no," I say after taking a few bites of my burrito. "But then curiosity got me and I wanted to know why you requested to have lunch with me. I mean I don't think you like me too well or like the fact that I had a relationship with my own brother."
Rachel drops her smile finally, "You are right I don't like you too well nor do I agree with what I know of you and Zac...and you and Taylor but I am accepting that because I love Zac. I love Zac and I intend to marry him in a few months. I also plan to make this marriage work and since your dad has agreed to let us live in the cabin after we get married I want some rules between us," Rachel says as she locks eyes with me. "I only want you around Zac when you have to trade kids with him. Only when something comes up with Junia and that baby in your stomach," she nods as she looks down at my belly. "I refuse to have you ruin my marriage like you did Kate's."
After she stops talking I lay my burrito down after taking some more bites. "Well Rachel I can't promise you anything," I tell her as I keep eye contact with her. "You see I may be with Taylor right now but I'm in love with Zac and one day he is going to get over what Sam did and regardless of whether I told him that I will move on I know I never will and I will be waiting for him with open arms when he decides to come back," I smile at her before breaking eye contact and finishing my burrito. "I think you are the one I should be worried about I mean you have the man I love. The man who loves me."
"The love he has for you is sick," Rachel spits but I don't flinch because I have heard those words before. "Anyway if you really loved him you would fight for him and not date Taylor like he wants you to do. I mean I think him wanting you to date Taylor speaks volumes. He's never going to get over what Sam did and he doesn't love you enough to try. He loves me though enough to marry me and start over. I'm the one he wants and I intend to keep him," she smirks before standing from the table. "Now I have to go so I can get back to my soon to be husband and we can make love all day," she says as she walks away but stops briefly. "Did you know he likes oral sex a lot?" she asks with a giggle before leaving for good.
I wait until after Rachel leaves to leave as well and just because of her words on how she wants to make love to Zac I decide I am going to stay out late. I am going to find something to do to make sure that they can't make love for the rest of the day.
On Monday I am not surprised when Zac brings Junia back though I am surprised when he tells me that he and Rachel are staying longer than expected. Apparently she wants Zac to convince our dad to let them live in the cabin after they get married because she liked it so much and it's her dream home. I half wonder how much it would be her dream home if she knew that I had sex with Taylor there more than once.
"Taylor isn't here?" Zac asks as he stands from the couch and I give him a confused look. How did he know Taylor brought Bree back early? Ever since getting together with Taylor we had been together almost constantly which meant he had no time to run off and call Zac to let him know.
"How did you know he was here?" I ask before shaking my head when I realize why Taylor came back early. "You told him to come back didn't you?" I accuse Zac knowing I already have my answer. "You told him to come back here early and convince me to be with him."
Zac looks down at the carpet his face giving away his guilt, "Was it that obvious?" he asks when he looks back up to flash me a smile. "I just want you to be happy Avery," he tells me as he shrugs. "Obviously since I can't ever get over what Sam did..what I allowed him to do we can never be together and you deserve to be as happy as I am with Rachel."
"But you said you still loved me. You said that before I left to get Junia's stuff. How can you be happy with Rachel when you still love me?" I ask him as I feel anger at the fact that he has pulled my hand into being with Taylor. That not only did I follow his wishes but he made it so Taylor would come back early and even ask me to be with him.
Zac sighs before sitting back down beside me on the couch again. "I can be happy with someone else while still loving you Avery," he says before looking me in the eyes. "I'll always love you but love isn't enough right now, especially when I am not over certain things."
Frowning I wish his reasons didn't make sense to me but they do. They always have made sense to me. "Fine," I concede before standing from the couch. "I'll stay with Taylor and you go off and marry Rachel and have your perfect family while trying to cover up the fact that you still love me and want to be with me, especially if you could get over all the shit Sam did. One day I am gonna be gone and you're gonna regret pushing me away," I tell him before crossing my arms over my belly.
When Zac goes silent at my words I know I have struck a cord with him. I know I have but I don't care because at least now I know my words are true. He will live in regret one day. One day it will be too late and he'll have to live with that. "Just leave and go be with your future wife. Go convince dad some more to let you have the cabin."
I watch as Zac stands up and walks to the door. He stops when he gets there to look back at me, "I can't convince dad anymore today. Rachel and I have to go and see her sister. Her sister lives in Oklahoma City but decided to drive to Tulsa to have dinner with us since we are staying longer," he explains before turning his back to me and leaving finally.
Once the door is shut I roll my eyes but head into the kitchen where I quickly fix dinner for my own kids and myself. Taylor won't be around for dinner. He had flew back into Georgia to make some final arrangements in his divorce from Natalie. Apparently he is going to try to talk her into not using Bree's paternity against him.
After I have dinner fixed and both girls are fed I get them ready for bed and then I just have me time or what I thought was me time. My me time is interrupted by a knock on the door. A knock that gets louder by the third knock. Whoever it is must really want to see me and well I am just not up for company but I have a feeling this person won't go away. Not if their knocking is an indicator of how badly they want inside.
Going to the door I pull it open and freeze when I see Heather standing at my door. Raising an eyebrow I look her over knowing I haven't seen her since that day in the hospital after Sam had shot Carrick. "What are you doing here?" I ask her blocking the door so she can't come in. I know it's stupid but I don't want her in my place.
Heather bites her lips as her eyes scan me her eyes soon stopping as they reach my belly. It's when they get there that she looks like she is about to get sick but I don't press her on the sick feeling. It's not my place to press her on that.
"I came to give you this," she says before holding out an envelope for me to take. "Carrick wrote it for you and his mother found it when she was going through his stuff. She didn't know where you were staying at now so she had me deliver it. Not that she likes me but she knew I knew where you lived."
Taking the envelope I sigh as I move away from the door some. "How did you know where I lived?"
"I have my ways," Heather shrugs before turning her back to me and walking away. When she is gone I go back inside and shut the door before walking to the couch. Sitting down I open the envelope and pull out a piece of paper.
Unfolding the paper I let my eyes scan the words written on it.
Dear Avery,
I know things haven't been good for us lately. You have found out about Heather and I, not to mention Zac is back and well I confronted you today about taking Bree away from you. I shouldn't have done that and I was wrong for it. I was wrong for a lot of stuff I did these past few months to you and our family. I still consider you, Junia and Bree as my family...my girls. I'm sorry for what I have done.
In being sorry I guess I should tell you I ended things with Heather. I couldn't keep seeing her especially if maybe there is a chance for us..even with Zac back in town. Though I know I will never win against him I can at least hope that once you get this you may consider me worthy again. It's my confession on why I cheated...why I messed up.
I wasn't lonely and I didn't not love you anymore. I was just dumb and thinking with my dick. I never loved Heather however much she wanted me too. It was always you and she knew that. She knew that and I knew that yet I kept going back to her out of stupidity. I guess I needed to prove to myself that someone could love me because I always felt you never loved me enough even though you did agree to marry me.
Heather eventually realized I loved you though...she realized it when I ened things with her. I just wish I could have done it sooner but I was stupid and I have a lot of missed chances under my belt.
Love Carrick
Once I am done reading his letter I fold it back up and put it on the table, smiling some as my hand rests on my belly. It is nice to know that his last words before Sam killed him he gave to me. That he apologized for what he had done wrong. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Maybe he was just scared of always losing me.
It's not like he was wrong in that I never loved him as much as he deserved because I didn't. I always had Taylor and Zac in my heart then.
Biting my lip I close my eyes and drift off without really meaning too. It's a sleep filled with dreams of Carrick and our happier times together. Times I will always remember when I think of him.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
After seeing Heather and getting Carrick's letter several weeks again seem to pass me by. Weeks in which I spend with my children enjoying the summer though of course something has to come up to ruin all that fun. Zac has given me word via text that Rachel wanted to meet me one on one for lunch.
It was something I knew I shouldn't have agreed too but I did. I agreed to it and also got Zac to agree to watch both of my children while I met his soon to be wife at the near by Taco Bueno. Apparently Milo is taking after his dad and making me crave Taco Bueno for most of the pregnancy.
Arriving at the restaurant I park my car and get out. Heading inside I make my order even after I spot Rachel sitting at a table waiting for me. Well she can wait all she wants because I am not going to that table until I have my food in my hands. My baby wants some damn Taco Bueno and I am sure if I don't get I will murder someone though I will probably murder someone after this meeting with Rachel mainly because I can't figure out why she wants to meet with me.
When I am given my food I take it and walk over to where Rachel is sitting at. "I hope you don't mind me eating? I mean you did say you wanted to meet for lunch," I tell her as I sit down. A fake smile is plastered on my lips much like the own fake one occupying her lips as well.
Rachel shrugs, "You have to feed your baby. Go ahead and eat," she nods before moving her chair closer to the table. "I'm glad you could meet with me."
"To be honest I thought of saying no," I say after taking a few bites of my burrito. "But then curiosity got me and I wanted to know why you requested to have lunch with me. I mean I don't think you like me too well or like the fact that I had a relationship with my own brother."
Rachel drops her smile finally, "You are right I don't like you too well nor do I agree with what I know of you and Zac...and you and Taylor but I am accepting that because I love Zac. I love Zac and I intend to marry him in a few months. I also plan to make this marriage work and since your dad has agreed to let us live in the cabin after we get married I want some rules between us," Rachel says as she locks eyes with me. "I only want you around Zac when you have to trade kids with him. Only when something comes up with Junia and that baby in your stomach," she nods as she looks down at my belly. "I refuse to have you ruin my marriage like you did Kate's."
After she stops talking I lay my burrito down after taking some more bites. "Well Rachel I can't promise you anything," I tell her as I keep eye contact with her. "You see I may be with Taylor right now but I'm in love with Zac and one day he is going to get over what Sam did and regardless of whether I told him that I will move on I know I never will and I will be waiting for him with open arms when he decides to come back," I smile at her before breaking eye contact and finishing my burrito. "I think you are the one I should be worried about I mean you have the man I love. The man who loves me."
"The love he has for you is sick," Rachel spits but I don't flinch because I have heard those words before. "Anyway if you really loved him you would fight for him and not date Taylor like he wants you to do. I mean I think him wanting you to date Taylor speaks volumes. He's never going to get over what Sam did and he doesn't love you enough to try. He loves me though enough to marry me and start over. I'm the one he wants and I intend to keep him," she smirks before standing from the table. "Now I have to go so I can get back to my soon to be husband and we can make love all day," she says as she walks away but stops briefly. "Did you know he likes oral sex a lot?" she asks with a giggle before leaving for good.
I wait until after Rachel leaves to leave as well and just because of her words on how she wants to make love to Zac I decide I am going to stay out late. I am going to find something to do to make sure that they can't make love for the rest of the day.